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Writing Samples
Band 6

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
In today’s
world
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, some people believe that global
events
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such
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 as the Olympics,
World
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 Cup are important to reduce political tensions and are a safer place to express patriotism. I strongly agree that
such
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events
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 are essential for keeping peace. In
this
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 essay, I will give reasons why I am keen on that approach.
Body paragraph 1
The Olympic Games were created by the Greeks as a substitute for
wars
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war
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. In ancient times, kings were competing against each other, like in a tournament,
instead
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 of ordering their armies to fight. Unfortunately, that tradition lost its value over the years, and Today, athletes from around the
world
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 have the opportunity to represent their countries at the Olympic Games. Another example is the
World
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 Cup.
Although
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 it was not created as an alternative to
war
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, it had a big influence on the
world
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.
For example
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, in 2005, the Ivory Coast had a big civil
war
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, and a well-known footballer, Didier Drogba, stopped that fight by beating Sudan 3–1 to qualify for their very first FIFA
World
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 Cup. That win made people forget about the conflict and made them united.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
war
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 is still the best way to solve international conflicts from politics perspective. There is not a single organisation
that is
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 able to stop wars and make all the governments solve their problems by participating in sports
events
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.
For example
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, it would not be logical if the Russian president suggested that Ukraine’s president solve their problems through a football match.
Moreover
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, Leaders have established military organisations
such
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 as NATO rather than relying on sporting
events
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 to resolve international conflicts.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the importance of easing international tensions through sports
events
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 is essential for peace.
Although
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 it is not a likely solution for governments, I believe that one day there will
not be
Correct word order
be no
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 victims of
war
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.

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task response
Your view is clear at the start: you agree. However, the second main paragraph says that war is the best way to solve world problems. This goes against your main view. Change this paragraph to explain a limit of sport, not to say that war is best.
task response
Answer both parts of the question more fully. Explain how sport can lower tension, for example by bringing people together, building respect, and giving leaders and fans a peaceful way to show pride.
task response
Use examples with care. The Ivory Coast example is interesting, but say that football helped bring people together; do not say that one win stopped the war. Give one more clear, real example if you can.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Make the link between the two main paragraphs clearer. Start the second paragraph with a line such as: “However, sport cannot solve every political problem on its own.”
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph needs one clear main idea. In the first, focus on sport as a peaceful way to show national pride. In the second, focus on the limits of sport and why talks between leaders are still needed.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your main view. Do not repeat that sport is essential and then say it is not a likely answer for governments. State clearly that sport can help peace, but it cannot replace talks and other peaceful action.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and you try to support it with examples from the Olympic Games, the World Cup, and the Ivory Coast.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, main paragraphs, and a conclusion. You also use simple links such as “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Moreover”.
task response
You understand that sport can give people a safe way to feel pride in their country, and that it may help people feel united.
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