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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people want governments to spend money on other planets to look for life. Others believe that it is a waste of public money when there are many unsolved problems on Earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Public
money
Use synonyms
 on space discoveries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become a
commum
Correct your spelling
common
 topic nowadays.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 a waste of
money
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 and time looking for
life
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 out of the
earth
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, many others believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 important
have
Verb problem
to have
show examples
 more knowledge about it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both ideas and why I believe that the main focus should be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
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earth
Check wording
Earth's
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 environment.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
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 believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 part of human evolution
have
Verb problem
to have
show examples
 more knowledge about alien
life
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. Over the
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the presumption has
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 considerably
according to
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differents
Replace the word
different
 online websites. Many ex-employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 worked for NASA
an
Punctuation problem
, an
show examples
 north American organisation that has the main focus on space, confirm that the organisation keep secret
informations
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information
show examples
 about
aliens
Replace the word
alien
life
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. The knowledge about things
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not from the
earth
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 may help the population understand more about the universe
that
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in which
show examples
 we live
on
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apply
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
people
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 believe that the main focus should be to solve the
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
 found
the
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on Earth
show examples
earth
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,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming. The governments spend a huge amount of
money
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 every year on rockets and other technologies to search
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unknown things
out
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the planet,
while
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 the
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earth are
Correct subject-verb agreement
Earth is
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 suffering. Icebergs melting has caused many problems
on the
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
last
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 years with a huge global
clima
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climate
 change, affecting many countries around the world. I believe that the public
money
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 should be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
search's
Check wording
searches
show examples
 and
advertasiments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 that help decrease catastrophes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, public
money
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 on space
while
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 the
earth
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 suffering with
catatrophes
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
 may
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 a great idea at the moment. The planet is the home of eight billion
people
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all
atention
Correct your spelling
attention
 should be here to save
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You talk about both views and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why space work may help people on Earth, such as by giving new tools, weather news, or new knowledge.
task response
Your main view is clear: Earth problems should come first. Add one more clear reason for this view and show why it is more important than looking for life in space.
task response
Be careful with the NASA example. Claims about secret alien life are not a strong or clear example. Use real, simple examples that most people can understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the link between them is not clear. Use simple links such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “This means” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
In the second main part, first state the Earth problem, then explain its effect, and then say how public money could help. This will make the paragraph easier to read.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss space spending, Earth problems, and your own view.
task response
Your point about global warming gives your opinion a clear real-world focus.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the other hand” clearly shows the move to the second view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view and brings the essay to a clear end.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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