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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
An increasing number of people living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 worldwide are moving to
cities
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, leading to a decline in the countryside's population.
Although
Linking Words
this
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 trend offers migrants more
employment
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 opportunities, I believe its negative effects on the environment and the
businesses
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 that remain in rural
areas
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 outweigh its advantages.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
cities
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 offer more job opportunities than rural
areas
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. Government authorities and large companies, which often provide higher salaries and better career prospects, tend to operate in urban centres because of their political and economic importance.
As a result
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, many people move there in search of
employment
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.
Moreover
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, the larger population and higher demand for goods and services encourage freelancers and start-ups to establish their
businesses
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 in
cities
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.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the limited
employment
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 opportunities and career prospects in rural
areas
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 of Saudi Arabia, many high school and university graduates relocate to Riyadh, Jeddah or Dammam to pursue higher education or find jobs.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, rural-to-urban migration can have negative environmental consequences. As
cities
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 expand to accommodate newcomers, energy consumption increases, potentially leading to higher greenhouse gas emissions and worsening global warming.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the declining population can harm
businesses
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 operating in the countryside, as fewer residents
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
show examples
 fewer customers.
This
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 may force some establishments to close permanently.
For example
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, several restaurants in rural
areas
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 of Qassim struggle to remain open
due to
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 declining customer numbers, which can threaten their long-term survival.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 moving to urban
areas
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 provides people with better
employment
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 prospects, I believe the resulting environmental damage and the difficulties faced by rural
businesses
Use synonyms
 outweigh these benefits.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: this is mainly a bad change. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why harm to country businesses matters for the whole area, such as fewer local jobs and fewer services.
task response
The points about city jobs, city growth, and country businesses are on topic. The example from Saudi Arabia is useful. Make sure each example shows the result clearly, not only the place or situation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, one good side, one bad side, and a short ending. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore” are used well. You can make the link between fewer people and closed businesses more direct: fewer people mean fewer buyers, so shops may close and the area may lose jobs.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion. Both the good side and the bad side are explained, and your final view is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a strong order. The opening tells the reader what to expect, the two main parts are easy to follow, and the ending matches your main view.
task response
The real-world examples about Saudi Arabia and Qassim make your ideas more clear and help support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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