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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, obesity and unhealthy eating habits are increasing. What are the reasons for this trend? What is the most effective way to prevent it?

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Introduction
The issue of increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy eating
habits
Use synonyms
 has been the subject of considerable debate in recent years.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main causes and the effective methods to prevent
the
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apply
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obesity
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy eating
habits
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One main cause of
increasing
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apply
the
obesity
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy eating
habits
Use synonyms
 is that some
individuals
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 believe that they do not have time to cook.
For instance
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, if a man works most of the time, he feels exhausted, so he orders
food
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 every day.
As a result
Linking Words
, he will suffer
form
Use the right word
from
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obesity
Use synonyms
 in the future. Another main factor is that many
individuals
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 have a lack of
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about the harmful effects of unhealthy
food
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if a group of teenagers eat unhealthy
food
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, they think the most important thing is
a
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tasty
food
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.
Body paragraph 2
One way to prevent the
increasing of
Replace the word
increase in
obesity
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy eating
habits
Use synonyms
 is
that
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for
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 parents
should
Verb problem
to
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 monitor the eating of their
children
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children's eating habits
show examples
, so they can support them to eat healthy
food
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, unhealthy
food
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 should be banned, which would help by decreasing the number of people who
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 greatly. Meanwhile, the most effective way to encourage people to eat healthy
food
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 is
that
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for
show examples
 schools and universities
can
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to
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 present the negative consequences of eating unhealthy
food
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, so that
individuals
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 can avoid
eat
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eating
show examples
 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents should encourage their children to do
exersises
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exercises
 regularly, so that the number of
individuals
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 who suffer from
obesity
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 will decrease.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, increasing
the
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apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy eating
habits
Use synonyms
 are
a
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apply
show examples
pressing
issue
Check wording
issues
show examples
 that people should
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
 of
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 consequences of
it
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apply
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both questions: causes and ways to stop the problem. To make your answer stronger, choose one best way clearly and explain why it works better than the other ways. For example, say that school lessons are the best way because they help children form good habits early.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how busy work leads to fast food, and how fast food can lead to weight gain. Your examples are clear, but they need more detail and a real result.
task response
Be careful with very strong ideas such as banning all unhealthy food. Explain how this could work, or use a more realistic idea, such as higher tax, clear food labels, or limits on ads for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes first, then solutions, then a short ending. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use words such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “Furthermore” well. However, too many long sentences joined with “so” can make the ideas hard to follow. Use shorter sentences at times.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more direct. Instead of only saying that this is a pressing issue, repeat the main causes and state the best solution in one clear final sentence.
task response
You discuss both the reasons for unhealthy eating and obesity and ways to prevent them.
task response
The examples about busy workers and teenagers help show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Several linking phrases help connect your ideas, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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