IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

computers are being used more and more in education. some people say that this a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. discuss both sides of the arguments and the give your own opinion.

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
As the use of
computers
Use synonyms
 in education continues to rise, some view
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon as a positive development since it offers flexibility and
access
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others highlight the unequal
access
Use synonyms
 as a drawback. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the rising integration of electronic components creates unequal
access
Use synonyms
. Since it introduced virtual learning that requires students to buy
computers
Use synonyms
 and
access
Use synonyms
 the internet, which many low-income individuals cannot afford, when some occurrence requires virtual learning,
such
Linking Words
 as bad weather or danger alerts, those students will be left behind their colleagues, as they will not be able to attend those online classes.
For instance
Linking Words
, many learners in poor areas around the world stopped their education process
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of resources that enable them to attend classes online.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 issue can be resolved by the government by providing these individuals with these requirements.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, utilising
computers
Use synonyms
 in virtual learning and attaining information has made the learning process more flexible and accessible. Nowadays, many universities have implemented online programs that have attracted scholars from all over the world to enrol in these programs by reducing the costs of studying abroad, as they will only need
computers
Use synonyms
 and an internet connection.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these devices have simplified the studying process, which require a constance attaining of information when doing research and homework by making it more time-efficient
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the traditional method of visiting the library, scanning through materials and copying information.
For example
Linking Words
, many students nowadays prefer using
computers
Use synonyms
 to attain knowledge since it allows them to
access
Use synonyms
 many reliable and updated resources for free.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the flexibility and easy
access
Use synonyms
 that the increased integration of
computers
Use synonyms
 in learning offers surpass the challenges that come with
this
Linking Words
 development, which can be resolved with a government initiative.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why online study is a good thing for most students, and why help from the state can solve the access problem.
task response
Some examples are too general, such as “many learners in poor areas”. Add one clear real or possible case, with who, where, and what happened.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. For example, computers do not always give free and reliable information. Say that they can give students access to many useful and up-to-date sources.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first main paragraph easier to follow. The long sentence about bad weather and danger alerts has too many ideas. Split it into two or three shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. “Since it introduced virtual learning” does not connect well with the sentence before it. Try: “This is because virtual learning often needs a computer and internet access.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “electronic components”, “computers”, and “these devices”. Using “computers” more often will make the meaning clearer.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both sides and clearly state that the good points are stronger.
task response
Your main points are relevant: unequal access is a real problem, while flexible study and easy access to information are clear benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the example comes after the explanation.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly show your view and match each other.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: