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Writing Samples
Band 3

Many countries spend a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts Is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Discuss Both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that many governments spend a lot of funds
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly
help beliefe
Correct your spelling
held belief
 that countries are responsible for developing
arts
Use synonyms
. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that
spend mony
Rephrase
spending money
 on facilities and public services
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better than
Use synonyms
arts
Add an article
the arts
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, society
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 the service more than the art, because the art does not have
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on communities.
In other words
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, when
deveop
Correct your spelling
developing
 the train station,
that`s mean
Wrong verb form
that means
show examples
 a
comfortly
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 transport and
due to
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 a positive system move.
In addition
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, the
arts
Use synonyms
 of one person
don
Use the right word
do
show examples
 not
of the
Verb problem
depend on
show examples
 communication, and they are singing when they have leisure to enjoy.
For example
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, there is a study in China say
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the public services
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 necessary, because it is a daily need.
On the other hand
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,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of money on facilities is
responsible
Replace the word
the responsibility
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. It is
also
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 possible to say
taht Government
Correct your spelling
that government
 performance is measured by
blossom
Check wording
the quality of
show examples
 public services.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the career does not help citizens
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 it belongs to its owner.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan
is
Verb problem
spends
show examples
 most place
spend
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on
socilaty
Correct your spelling
society
 as developed the school and that casue of make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good members in
socilaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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quastion
Correct your spelling
question
.
on
Capitalize the word
On
show examples
 balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that both
arts
Use synonyms
 and
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good things, but transfers
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a crucial role in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, but your main ideas are not clear enough. Explain why art is important, such as for culture, jobs, and travel. Then explain why public services are important, such as for health, schools, and transport.
task response
Make your own view clear in the introduction and repeat it clearly in the end. At the moment, you say both are good, but then say transport is more important. Say which one should get more money and why.
task response
Use real, clear examples. The examples about China and Japan are hard to understand and do not fully prove your points. For example: money for hospitals can help sick people every day, while money for museums can keep a country’s history alive.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about public services. Paragraph 2 can be about the arts. Give a topic sentence, explain it, and add one example in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect clearly. Use simple links: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “Also,” and “As a result.” Make sure each new sentence adds to the same point.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, make them more direct. Do not say “There are no easy answers.” Instead, clearly state the two views and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid ideas that are unclear, such as “the arts of one person do not of the communication” and “the career does not help citizens.” Write shorter sentences with one clear meaning.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss the arts, public services, and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “On one hand,” “In addition,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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