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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Parents today put too much pressure on their children to succeed academically and career-wise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

8.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is frequently claimed that modern mothers and fathers push their sons and daughters far too hard towards academic honours and prestigious jobs.
While
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 I accept that ambition for one's offspring is natural and sometimes helpful, I largely agree with
this
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 view, since excessive expectations damage young people's wellbeing and rarely produce the success that families hope for.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the case for demanding parents is not without merit. The most obvious point is that competition for good universities and secure employment has intensified, so a child who is left entirely to their own devices may drift and regret it later. In Morocco,
for instance
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, pupils whose families insist on daily revision consistently outperform classmates in the baccalaureate, which opens doors that would
otherwise
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 stay closed. Closely linked to
this
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 is the fact that discipline learned at home,
such
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 as finishing homework before leisure, becomes a lifelong habit that employers value.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, there is a clear difference between encouragement and pressure, and many households have crossed that line. The most important reason is that constant demands breed anxiety rather than achievement because a teenager who fears disappointing their parents often freezes in examinations or abandons subjects they love for ones that merely sound impressive. Casablanca clinics,
for example
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, now report rising numbers of adolescents suffering from stress-related illness during exam season, and,
consequently
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, some drop out of education altogether.
Moreover
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, children pushed into medicine or law against their inclinations frequently change careers in their thirties, wasting years of effort. In my view,
therefore
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, guidance should respect a child's own interests
instead
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 of imposing a parent's unfulfilled dreams.
Conclusion
In conclusion, high expectations can motivate the young, yet when they become relentless, they harm both health and genuine progress. On balance, I believe that today's families would raise more successful adults if they pressed less and listened more.

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task response
Your view is very clear: you mostly agree, but you also show that some parent support can help. To make the answer even stronger, say more about what healthy support looks like, such as asking about a child’s goals or setting fair study times.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained. The point about fear in tests and the point about later job change are both strong. You could add one short example of a child doing better after parents give support rather than pressure.
task response
The Morocco and Casablanca examples fit the topic well. Make sure such examples are clearly true or clearly shown as general examples, so the reader can trust them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each part has one main job: the first gives your view, the next shows the other side, then you explain your main view, and the end sums it up.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, especially “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Moreover”, and “On balance”. In a few places, you can use shorter links to keep the writing more direct.
coherence and cohesion
The last main paragraph has many ideas: stress, fear in tests, leaving school, and later job change. It is still clear, but you could split it into two paragraphs for an even smoother flow.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and keep the same clear view from start to finish.
task response
You give good reasons for both sides, then explain why too much pressure is more harmful.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well, and the ending gives a clear final message.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a natural order, and your examples are placed close to the points they support.
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