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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-years-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.To what extend do you think crime is determined by human nature?Is it possible to stop children from going up to be criminals?

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Nowadays, some people believe that the behaviour of the child can describe their criminal activities in the future
while
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 others are opposed to it.
Nevertheless
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, I partly agree with
this
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 statement because of several possible reasons
such
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 as it can be minimized by watching them and the following paragraphs will expatiate both stances with lucid examples.
To begin
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 with, those who believe that crime can be determined by human activities are saying that a child who does not follow the laws at an early age could be a criminal in the future. To explain
further
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, some kids love to break the rules from their childhood
such
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 as fighting with other kids every day, and not doing homework. 20% of the offspring,
for example
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, broke the law of driving without a license owing to not following the rules in their childhood period.
Moreover
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, those who do not believe in hard work and discipline will become not only shoplifters but
also
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 robbers.
Hence
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, the nature of humans can not change after they have a habit of doing wrong. On the other side, a few folks believe it is definitely possible to stop them from doing crimes.
Initially
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, if the parents and teachers both play their role properly to raise them, they will become good people
as well as
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 society members. The benefit of some qualities namely discipline, honesty and hard work, to illustrate, is the key to success in the lives, especially in careers.
Furthermore
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, the parents and teachers will give them positive rewards for behaving well which ultimately helps them to become better people.
To conclude
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, there has been a big debate about whether the behaviour of a child can be changed or not to decrease the ratio of crime in the upcoming years.
However
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, in my view, it can be controlled by educating them on all the qualities namely honesty, and dedication toward work rather than focusing only on academics and it can only be done, if both guardians and educators can put their feet together.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay presents a clear opinion from the outset - your introduction should clearly state your stance, rather than saying that you 'partly agree' without providing more clarification.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more logical connectors. Transitions such as 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'however', 'therefore', and 'consequently' can improve the flow and clarity of your arguments.
lexical resource
While your vocabulary shows some variety, consider incorporating more complex phrases and academic vocabulary to further enhance your lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to your sentence structures and tenses, as there are a few errors. Remember the correct form of the possessive case ('children's' instead of 'child') and the right form of the noun ('extent' instead of 'extend').
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • criminal behavior
  • human nature
  • environmental factors
  • interventions
  • prevent
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