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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

computers are being used more and more in education. some people say that this a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. discuss both sides of the arguments and the give your own opinion.

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often argued that the increasing use of
computers
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 in education is a positive development,
whereas
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 others believe that it can have adverse consequences for
students
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.
Although
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 both perspectives have valid arguments, I firmly believe that the benefits of incorporating technology into education outweigh its potential drawbacks, provided that it is used appropriately.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why
computers
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 are considered beneficial for educational purposes. The primary advantage is that they provide
students
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 with easy access to a vast amount of information and online learning resources.
This
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 enables learners to explore different subjects, develop their knowledge and study at their own pace.
Consequently
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, the
overall
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 learning experience becomes more flexible and effective.
For instance
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,
students
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 can attend online lectures and access educational videos without being physically present in a classroom.
Furthermore
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,
computers
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 help teachers prepare interactive lessons, making learning more engaging.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, opponents argue that excessive dependence on
computers
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 can have detrimental effects on
students
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. One major concern is that spending prolonged periods in front of screens can negatively affect their physical and mental well-being.
This
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 may lead to eye strain, poor posture and a lack of physical activity.
Consequently
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,
students
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 may develop unhealthy lifestyles.
For example
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, children who spend several hours studying or playing games on
computers
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 may have less time for outdoor activities.
Moreover
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, relying heavily on technology can reduce face-to-face communication and social interaction.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the excessive use of
computers
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 can negatively affect
students
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' health and social development, I believe that their educational benefits are considerably greater.
Therefore
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,
computers
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 should be integrated into education in a balanced and responsible manner.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. To make your view stronger, explain more clearly why the good points are more important than the bad points. For example, say how online learning can help more than it harms when screen time is limited.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some examples are quite general. Add one more real and specific example, such as a student in a small town using online lessons when there is no good teacher nearby.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one side, the other side, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The linking words are used well. However, you use “Consequently” more than once. Use other simple links, such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, or “Also”, to make the flow less repeated.
coherence and cohesion
The last line gives a clear final view. You could make it even stronger by naming the balance you mean, for example: schools should mix computer work with class talk, sport, and outdoor time.
task response
You discuss both views fairly and give a clear personal view from the start to the end.
task response
The points about easy access to learning and about health and social time are relevant and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one clear main idea, followed by explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” guide the reader clearly through your ideas.
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