IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should be involved in making school rules. While others believe that only adults can make school rules. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, there is a common debate about school
rules
Use synonyms
 and the process of making them.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should take part in
this
Linking Words
, others are sure that they should not.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to outline both points of view and prove that, despite the fact that kids' views should be taken into account,
children
Use synonyms
 should not invent school
rules
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the younger generation tends to act proactively and generate brave ideas.
For example
Linking Words
, many cities in Ukraine have special departments of youth as a part of the city council.
As a result
Linking Words
, teenagers have a space to share their ideas and present them to the public in order to develop their critical thinking, public speaking and leadership.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to make fast and not very considered decisions, which can lead to long-term consequences.
For example
Linking Words
, many kids colour their hair or do piercing as a sign of protest.
However
Linking Words
, in their adult years, they become thinking more deeply and realise the outcomes of their decisions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, decisions made at a young age are often wrong, and the process of fixing the results of those actions requires adult stability.
Conclusion
To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 I understand the desire of the young generation to take part in making school
rules
Use synonyms
 and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 belief of people that they should, I tend to think that the
rules
Use synonyms
 should be made by the older generation. It is a process that requires life experience and maturity,
while
Linking Words
 kids tend to behave impulsively.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
rules
Use synonyms
 set by
children
Use synonyms
 can lead to anarchy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. However, the first main part does not fully explain why children should help make school rules. It mainly shows that young people can share ideas. Add a direct link: children know daily school life, so they can suggest rules that are fair and easy to follow.
task response
Develop each side in a more equal way. The adult-only view has a clear reason, but the children’s view needs more detail. Explain that adults can still make the final choice after hearing children.
task response
Use examples that are closer to school rules. The city youth group example is useful, but it is not clearly about schools. The hair and piercing example is not about making rules, so it does not strongly support your point. Use an example such as rules about phones, uniforms, homework, or break time.
task response
Your final idea is clear, but “anarchy” is too strong and not well shown by the ideas before it. Say that child-made rules may not consider safety, fairness, and the needs of all groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each main part state the full main idea more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Link the example to the main idea after you give it. For example, after the youth group example, explain how this shows that children can give useful ideas for school rules.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are smooth, such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand.” Use a few more simple links inside each part, such as “This means that”, “For this reason”, and “In school”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as “young generation,” “kids,” and “children” too often. Use “students” when you mean school children, as this makes the topic more exact.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state your own view.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the introduction and is repeated in the ending, so the reader can easily follow your position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main part focuses on one side of the debate.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and ending match well and give the writing a clear shape.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • sense of responsibility
  • ownership
  • realistic
  • relevant
  • negotiation
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • experience
  • maturity
  • foresee
  • appropriate
  • boundaries
  • safety
  • discipline
  • legal implications
  • comply
  • education regulations
  • disconnect
  • resentment
  • non-compliance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: