IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?

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It is said that preserving the traditional culture, including traditional
games
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 from
generation
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 to
generation
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 is very important. These
games
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 are considered more beneficial than modern
games
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 for
children
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’s development today. I completely agree with
this
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 statement for several reasons. In modern life, there are many ways to approach new things that can help
children
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 grow up and enhance their abilities comprehensively. The first reason supporting traditional
games
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 are better than modern
games
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 is that can help
children
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’s brains active naturally.
For instance
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, chess
games
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 require
children
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 to learn and gain experiences by themselves after every match
day
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 after
day
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.
Further
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,
children
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 need to think carefully and thoroughly as they play traditional
games
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.
This
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 accounts for their brains which can develop
day
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 by
day
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 through these
games
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.
In addition
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, maintaining traditional
games
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 from
generation
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 to
generation
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 is the only way that can preserve the country’s culture.
Finally
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, when
children
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 play traditional
games
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, they can increase their interaction with other
children
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.
This
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also
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 brings about less reliance on technological equipment of
children
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such
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 as smartphones.
Nevertheless
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, modern
games
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 can help
children
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 develop their abilities in different ways
such
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 as improving their skills in online tools or courses. Meanwhile, parents and supervisors should keep an eye on their
children
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 to limit their time on
games
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 on the internet.
Moreover
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, contact for a long time with the screen’s green light for modern
games
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 could lead to some eye diseases in
children
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.
As a consequence
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, I suppose that
children
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 should play traditional
games
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 much more than modern
games
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 to maintain their culture and develop their abilities completely. Whether parent let their
children
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 play modern
games
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, they should set the limit for them to do that.
Besides
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 that, a parent should guide their kids to keep the balance between playing traditional and modern
games
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 that can help them develop in the best way.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to reinforce your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all sentences contribute clearly to your main argument for better coherence.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify your ideas and refine your language to improve clarity and precision.
task achievement
Good focus on the importance of traditional games.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured logically, with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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