It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument that states it is better to remain jobless
instead
of working in an unpleasant job. This
essay totally agrees with that statement because engaging in an undesired occupation could lead to several drawbacks for both workers
and employers.
To begin
with, the trend of many individuals working in unpleasant occupations has been growing for a decade. Therefore
, this
phenomenon significantly affects workers
' mental health, especially in job sectors that require complex calculations, namely engineering and accounting. As a result
, the number of employees suffering from psychological issues has been increasing since 2013. For instance
, in Indonesia, the Ministry of Health stated that the number of people suffering from high stress
levels reached more than 2 million in 2021.
Add a hyphen
high-stress
Moreover
, this
trend is not only detrimental to workers
but also
to companies. This
is because employees identified as suffering from psychological issues tend to take more frequent days off instead
of their psychologically-fit
peers. Correct your spelling
psychologically fit
As a result
, companies will suffer from a lack of workforce to conduct their daily operations such
as keeping their production lines running. Hence
, this
has a severe impact on their revenue because production is not running properly. For example
, the revenue of several garment manufacturers in Indonesia has been declining since 2015 because most of their labor
needs to see psychologists during weekdays.
In conclusion, if Change the spelling
labour
workers
engage in an undesired job instead
of remaining unemployed, it might adversely affect not only themselves but also
the corporations, as it will lead them to become stressed and unproductive.Submitted by rahmanparentio on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that directly relate to that main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to address the prompt more fully by discussing counter-arguments or acknowledging different viewpoints before justifying your own position.
task achievement
Continue providing specific examples to support your arguments, but also consider how you can elaborate on these examples to further demonstrate your point.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement and restate your position effectively in the conclusion, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes your argument easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?