In many countries, people are living longer than ever before. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development for society?

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Introduction
It is widely observed that average life expectancy has risen by almost two decades since the middle of the
last
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century.
This
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essay argues that the main reasons are modern medicine and cleaner living conditions, and that, despite the strain on pensions and hospitals, the change is overwhelmingly positive for society.
Body paragraph 1
The first cause is the progress of healthcare. Diseases that killed children a century ago,
such
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as measles and polio, are now prevented by a single injection, so many more people reach adulthood at all. In Morocco,
for instance
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, the national vaccination programme launched in 1987 cut infant deaths by two-thirds within two decades, and the average Moroccan lives to seventy-seven rather than sixty. Closely linked to
this
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is the improvement in everyday conditions. Clean tap water, sewers and refrigerated food have removed the infections that once spread through every town, and safer jobs mean fewer workers die in mines or factories.
Body paragraph 2
Turning to the consequences, the most important point is that longer lives are a gain, not a burden. A grandmother who survives to eighty raises grandchildren, passes on skills and keeps a family together, and,
consequently
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, parents can work
while
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children are cared for by someone who loves them. In Kuwait,
for example
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, retired teachers now run free evening classes for pupils who failed their exams, and pass rates in one Hawalli school rose by a fifth. Admittedly, more pensioners mean higher costs for the state, yet
this
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is solved by a later retirement age and by keeping older people active rather than by wishing them fewer years. In my view,
therefore
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, an ageing population is a sign of success that requires planning.
Conclusion
In conclusion, medicine and hygiene have added years to human life. On balance, those years enrich society far more than they cost it.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question well. You explain why people live longer and clearly say that this is mainly good for society.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: health care, clean water and food, and safer work. To make the answer even stronger, say a little more about how each change helps people live longer.
task response
Your view is clear and stays the same from start to end. You also show one problem, higher costs for old people, and give a possible answer.
task response
The country examples make your points feel real. Make sure such facts are fully true, or use a more general example if you are not sure.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear shape: an opening, one part on causes, one part on results, and a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas work well, especially “Closely linked to this”, “Turning to the consequences”, “Admittedly”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are quite long and hold many ideas. Split some of them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow them more easily.
coherence and cohesion
In the second main part, move from the family example to the school example with one short linking sentence. This would make the change of focus feel smoother.
task response
You give a direct answer in the first paragraph and keep that main view throughout the essay.
task response
You use clear, useful examples to support both the causes and the good effects of longer lives.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, and the order of ideas is natural and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending clearly brings back both the causes and your overall view.
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