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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their appearance in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think that it is a negative or positive development?

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Introduction
In contemporary society, an increasing number of individuals are allocating substantial financial resources toward cosmetic interventions to stall the natural
aging
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ageing
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 process.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 trend is primarily driven by professional competitiveness and the pervasive influence of digital media, and it will
further
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 explain why
this
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 phenomenon should be viewed as a predominantly negative development.
Body paragraph 1
There are two paramount reasons why looking young has become a widespread desire today. First and foremost, in the modern corporate sphere, youthfulness is frequently conflated with competence, adaptability, and high energy. In many fast-paced or customer-facing industries, older employees often face the threat of professional obsolescence, forcing them to invest in physical rejuvenation to maintain a competitive edge against younger counterparts.
Secondly
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, the proliferation of social media platforms has established unrealistic aesthetic standards. People are constantly bombarded with
idealized
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idealised
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, heavily filtered images of celebrities and peers alike.
This
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 continuous exposure causes individuals to
internalize
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internalise
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 ageist anxieties, prompting them to seek expensive remedies to erase any visible signs of
aging
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ageing
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.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the temporary psychological boost these treatments might offer, I firmly believe that
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 obsession represents a highly
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 development. On an individual level, the pursuit of eternal youth poses both severe financial and physical risks. Advanced skincare regimes and surgical enhancements incur prohibitive costs, driving many into unnecessary debt.
Furthermore
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, over-reliance on invasive cosmetic procedures can result in severe medical complications or permanent disfigurement. On a broader societal scale,
this
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 trend fosters an increasingly superficial culture. When a community overvalues external youthfulness, it inherently devalues the wisdom, experience, and dignity that naturally come with senior age, thereby exacerbating social fragmentation and age discrimination.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing urge to maintain a youthful appearance stems from workplace demands and the powerful aesthetics promoted by modern media.
While
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 it may provide a fleeting sense of self-confidence, the resulting financial strains, physical dangers, and the superficial societal values it reinforces clearly render
this
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 a negative development.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly: why people want to look younger, and whether this is good or bad. To make the ideas even stronger, add one short real-life example, such as an older worker who feels pressure to look young at work.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start and stays the same. You could make the answer more balanced by briefly saying that safe skin care or exercise may help some people feel good, before explaining why the wider trend is harmful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, reasons, negative effects, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, especially “First”, “Secondly”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”. Try not to rely on formal linkers too much. You can also use simple links such as “For example”, “Because of this”, and “As a result” to make the flow feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and full of ideas. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences so the reader can understand each point more easily.
task response
You give two clear reasons: pressure at work and images on social media. You also explain the effects of each reason, rather than only listing them.
task response
Your negative view is well supported with clear points about money, health, and the way society may treat older people.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion brings the main reasons and your view together.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical. The first body paragraph explains causes, while the second explains why the trend is harmful.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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