Some people believe that social netwroking sites have a great negative affect on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some individuals say that social media applications and
websities
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websites
may have a negative impact on
people
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and communities in general. I completely agree with
this
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statement
when
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, when
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people
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are sharing
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share
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only their good
moments
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,
this
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may lead to negative comparison among these
apps
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app
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users.
In addition
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to
this
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is
more easily
Replace the word
easier
to spread false claims on these
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sities
Correct your spelling
sites
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, more and more
people
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have accounts on social media apps,
such
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as Instagram and Facebook. On these apps,
people
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may
share
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videos or good
moments
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more than their sad
one
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ones
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. So,
this
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makes what
people
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see
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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others' good
moments
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.
Then
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, couples may be able to
share
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moments
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,
such
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as if one gives his wife
a
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an
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expensive car.
In other words
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, there are other couples
do
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who do
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not treat each other in
this
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way, so
,
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apply
show examples
they may feel sad
from
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about
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their partners.
This
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is because they do not treat them in
this
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is
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apply
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way.
As a result
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, they might have a conflict on
this
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, or maybe worse if they were
broke
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broken
show examples
up.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, users of these applications are able to
share
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what they need from
information
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information,
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even if
they are
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it is
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false. Applications,
for example
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, Reddit or
facebook
Rephrase
Facebook,
people
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may face posts just because they have many likes. So, if a post was about false news, it would appear to users.
For instance
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, if someone shared
a
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an
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untrue claim
for a
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about the
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president of a country, viewers might have
misperception
Add an article
a misperception
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about
this
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president.
As a result
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,
people
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might protest against
this
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president
,
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apply
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because of
this
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false claim.
Although
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he
do
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does
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not say
this
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or do
this
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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people
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are less likely to
what
Verb problem
know what
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is true or wrong on these
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sities
Correct your spelling
sites
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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might compare their relationships to what they see on social media
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sities
Correct your spelling
sites
. So, they might affect their relationships negatively
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at
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in
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the end.
Additionally
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, these
Use synonyms
sities
Correct your spelling
sites
are able to make anyone
to
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apply
show examples
share
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anything
even
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, even
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if it is false. So, some negative
result
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results
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on
socities
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societies
can happen if they
share
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claims from
presdents
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presidents
of countries. I completely agree with
this
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statement
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
these reasons.

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task response
Your view is clear: you fully agree. Keep this clear view in the first and last parts. Develop each main point more fully. For example, explain in more detail how seeing only happy posts can harm a person, and why false news can harm a whole group.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example about a car is useful, but show that this is only one online post and may not show real life. In the false-news paragraph, give a clear example of how a false post can lead people to act in a wrong way.
task response
Some ideas are repeated at the end. Instead, sum up your two main reasons in new, short words. Make sure every point directly answers the question about both people and society.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: first part, two main paragraphs, and a final part. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences smoother. Do not start too many sentences with “So”, “Then”, or “As a result”. Use clear links such as “For this reason”, “Also”, “However”, and “This can lead to”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first main paragraph, focus on comparison and harm to close relationships. In the second, focus on false news and its effect on society. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this”, “it”, and “they” when the reader may not know what they mean. Name the idea again, for example, “these false posts” or “this online comparison”.
task response
You answer the question directly and state your position clearly from the start.
task response
You give two relevant reasons: online comparison can harm relationships, and false news can harm public trust.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” gives the essay a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph includes an example, which helps explain your point.
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