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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, budget flights have made it possible for many people to travel widely. However, some argue that cheap air travel causes serious environmental problems and ticket prices should be increased. Discuss both view and give your opinions.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
These days, the rise of low-cost airlines has allowed broader access to global tourism.
Nevertheless
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, it is often debated that reasonable aviation generates severe ecological issues, prompting suggestions to hike the
ticket
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prices
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own conclusion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, increasing
air
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ticket
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prices
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 brings a multitude of benefits that extend far beyond mere environmental protection. A main advantage is that
few
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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people
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 will choose to
travel
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 by plane, which helps reduce a large amount of emissions and carbon footprint. An additional benefit is that
people
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 may use alternative means of transport , like buses, electric cars, or bicycles ,
instead
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 of private transport.
In other words
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, humans can significantly decrease the proportion of emissions released into the environment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint that cheap
air
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travel
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 can cause inequality and serious environmental problems. A noteworthy factor to consider is that increasing
ticket
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prices
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 may create inequality, which emphasises the difficulties faced by low-income
people
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 with limited financial resources may not be able to afford
air
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travel
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,
while
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 wealthier individuals can
travel
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 more easily.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to underscore that the government should take action to reduce the negative environmental impacts of
air
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travel
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.
This
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 can be achieved by promoting cleaner fuels and upgrading public transport infrastructure, which encourages
people
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 to use more environmentally friendly means of transportation. These solutions can help protect the environment
while
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 ensuring better
travel
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 opportunities for everyone
Conclusion
In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on cheap
air
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travel
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 and
ticket
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 pricing highlights the complexities surrounding the issue. On one hand, inexpensive
air
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travel
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 contributes significantly to carbon emissions, leading to calls for higher fares.
Conversely
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, simply inflating
ticket
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prices
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 is an unfair solution that restricts
travel
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 opportunities for lower-income individuals. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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 authorities and airlines should focus on adopting green technologies and introducing carbon taxes
instead
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 of forcing passengers to pay higher fares.
This
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 examination prompts individuals to consider their own preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment of these events.

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task response
Discuss the two views more clearly. The first main part should explain why some people want higher ticket prices: fewer flights can mean less air pollution. The next main part should explain why others do not support this plan: it can stop poor people from travelling but may not stop rich people from flying.
task response
Give a clearer personal view. You say that a carbon tax is better, but a carbon tax may also make tickets cost more. Explain who should pay it, how the money should be used, and why this is fair.
task response
Use a real or clear made-up example. For example, say that money from a flight tax could help pay for cleaner planes or better train lines. This would make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the second main part mixes two ideas: unfair prices and what the government should do. Put these in separate parts, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas match the question. First explain the good side of higher prices for the environment. Then explain the bad side for people with less money. After that, give your own plan.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid lines that do not fit the topic. The last line about 'these events' is not about air travel, so remove it.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links with a clear job: 'However' for the other view, 'For example' for an example, and 'Therefore' for your result. Do not use long linking phrases if they do not add a new idea.
task response
You answer all key parts of the question: the environmental harm, the idea of higher prices, and your own view.
task response
Your main view is clear: cleaner fuel, better transport, and a tax are better than making travel hard for people with less money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape, with an introduction, main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
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