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Writing Samples
Band 7

many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this, and do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
There is an increasing trend of spending most leisure
time
Use synonyms
 on smartphones.
This
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 is attributed to the addiction to social media that
people
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 have and the convenience of using these devices.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 is a negative development, since it impacts individuals' health negatively.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, individuals prioritise spending their free
time
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 on their mobile phones since they have become addicted to social media.
This
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 is
due to
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 the wide variety of content these websites offer;
therefore
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, many
people
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 spend hours navigating
this
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 material without noticing.
Moreover
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, it is a convenient activity—requiring no physical effort or expense—which keeps
users
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 engaged.
In addition
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, it enables them to connect with others who share similar interests regardless of geographical location. TikTok and Instagram,
for instance
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, exemplify
this
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, as their algorithms personalise content, bringing together
users
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 with niche interests and keeping them entertained for hours.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, dedicating leisure moments to smartphones might have a negative impact on both mental and physical well-being.
First,
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it subjects
users
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 to harmful content consistently, which can affect their mood.
Moreover
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, online
users
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 often engage in cyberbullying
due to
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 a lack of supervision and consequences.
Second,
Linking Words
many prefer using their phones
while
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 sitting or lying down, especially before bed.
As a result
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, numerous health issues can arise from
this
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 sedentary lifestyle,
such
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 as diabetes and heart problems.
In addition
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, prolonged smartphone use may damage vision.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should monitor their free
time
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 and prioritise outdoor activities or spending
time
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 with loved ones.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 use their smartphones when having a free moment owing to their social media addiction,
in addition
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 to being a convenient activity.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that
this
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 development may cause serious harm to individuals' mental and physical well-being.

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task response
You answer both parts well: you give reasons and clearly say that this is a bad change. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why phone use leads to each health problem. For example, say how less sleep, less movement, or less time with family can harm people.
task response
The example of TikTok and Instagram is useful and fits your main point. Add one short real-life example for the health point, such as a person staying up late on a phone and feeling tired the next day.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. Saying phone use can cause heart problems may sound too strong without more support. You can say that long periods of sitting may raise health risks over time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer linking words in one paragraph. Words such as “Moreover”, “In addition”, and “As a result” are helpful, but too many can make the writing feel planned rather than natural. Join some ideas with simple sentences instead.
coherence and cohesion
The first main paragraph has several reasons mixed together: social media, ease of use, and meeting people online. Make the order clearer by giving each reason its own short part, then give the example at the end.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Your reasons are on topic, and the social media example helps show why people spend so much time on phones.
coherence and cohesion
The two main paragraphs are well separated: one explains causes and the other explains the bad effects.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back both the reasons and your main view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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