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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It was always the case
,
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apply
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that rich
countries
Use synonyms
 donate
the
Change preposition
to the
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 poorer one ,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
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it doesn’t solve the issue of poverty.
Thus
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, rather than
support
Use synonyms
 poverty in
countries
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 with money,
devloped
Correct your spelling
developed
countries
Use synonyms
 must find other means of help to provide assistance to poorer
countries
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One crucial reason why
,
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apply
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I agree with
latter
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the latter
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 opinion is that
,
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apply
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 financial aid
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 solve the problem among poorer
nation
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nations
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 and just
short
Wrong verb form
shortens
show examples
 it in a short
periode
Correct your spelling
period
.
often
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Often,
 poorer nations have
problemes
Correct your spelling
problems
such
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 as unemployment,
helath
Correct your spelling
health
,education,
agricaltures
Correct your spelling
agriculture
. I think it would be better
invest
Verb problem
to invest
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 and create projects in these
country
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countries
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, which provide more jobs and
contribuite in
Rephrase
contribute to
 economic growth. And
also
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 developed
countries
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 earn money through it. As
as
Rephrase
a result
reasult
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reasult,
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 the issue of poverty will be solved from their roots. There is a word said ‘one should teach the other to
fisch
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fish
 rather than
too
Use the right word
to
show examples
 feed the
fisch
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fish
’
Linking Words
Add a semicolon
; furthermore
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furthermore
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furthermore,
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 that will be a
win win
Correct your spelling
win-win
 situation.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
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 encourage wealthy
countries
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make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 more
investemet
Correct your spelling
investments
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
Body paragraph 2
Another benefit of
this
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 approach is that
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
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 make poorer
countries
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 less dependent on foreign
support
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.
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as
Capitalize the proper name
As
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 a result, they can find the
ressources
Correct your spelling
resources
 to develop many sector and and provide better social
walfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
 for people.
In addition
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Oppression
Rephrase
, oppression
 can corrupt a people’s morals.
That
Verb problem
That's
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 why
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for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, if they
independent
Verb problem
are independent
show examples
 will be able to invest in education and
throught
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through
 that will
redure
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reduce
 the rate of crime
as well as
Linking Words
 Illegal immigrationin to developd
countries
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.They can
also
Linking Words
support
Use synonyms
 Domestic investment. Which prospers
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 in the
countrie
Correct your spelling
country
 and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 better social
walfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
.
Conclusion
In conclusion
devloped
Correct your spelling
, developed
countries
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shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 help poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 through
investement
Correct your spelling
investment
 and benefit from that
support
Use synonyms
 rather than donate
them with money
Correct word order
money to them
show examples

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you agree that long-term help, such as jobs, schools, and health care, is better than only giving money.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real example. For example, explain how a job project can help people earn money for many years, while cash may help for only a short time.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are not fully explained. The point about crime and people moving to rich countries needs a clearer link to aid and education.
task response
Use more exact examples. You could mention building roads, helping farms, training teachers, or giving work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear three-part shape: opening, two main paragraphs, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the main point of each body paragraph clearer at the start.
coherence and cohesion
Do not put too many ideas in one paragraph. In the second body paragraph, focus on one main idea: poor countries can become less dependent. Move crime, moving abroad, and home business to another paragraph or explain them more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use short and clear linking words: First, For example, As a result, However, and In conclusion. Avoid repeating 'as a result' many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, write: 'This approach can make poor countries less dependent on foreign aid.'
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and spelling, as these can make your meaning hard to follow. Examples include 'developed', 'investment', 'education', 'agriculture', and 'resources'.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that rich countries should give help other than money.
task response
Your ideas about jobs, business, education, and long-term growth are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and include both an opening and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show cause and result with phrases such as 'as a result' and 'hence'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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