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Writing Samples
Band 3

Buying thing on the internet, such as book, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
There is no doubt that these days
online
Punctuation problem
, online
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 shopping has become a very common habit worldwide.
the
Capitalize the word
The
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 question is ,what are the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping?
Body paragraph 1
In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I'm going to discuss both sides.
Body paragraph 2
In terms of
advantages
Add a comma
advantages,
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 online shopping has made our lives much easier. The main reason given
support
Change preposition
in support
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to
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 claim is
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
, firstly
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 , how
time saving
Correct your spelling
time-saving
 it is ,
for example
Linking Words
, I could order groceries online on the way home
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the supermarket after a long day.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
Linking Words
 , most stores provide discounts and special offers،which helps tons of money by the end of the month.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 you are able to compare prices
lot
Rephrase
a lot
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 faster .
Body paragraph 4
However
Linking Words
,there are some clear disadvantages to it too, the most popular one is online scams ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can happen by getting an entirely different product or never receiving one in the first place
,
Punctuation problem
. Also
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also
Linking Words
, most of the time
products
Punctuation problem
, products
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 are more expensive because of shipping fees, and difficult to return even if you received a wrong/ damaged product .
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 online shopping has many advantages and disadvantages. It saves time and offers many choices,
it
Correct word choice
but it
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also
Linking Words
 has some risks. I think online
online
Remove the redundancy
apply
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shopping is useful if we use it carefully.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. You need to say if the good points are greater than the bad points, and make this view clear in the first paragraph and the last paragraph.
task response
Give more support for each main point. For example, explain how lower prices can help people, and explain why scams or return problems can be serious.
task response
Use one clear example for both sides. Your grocery example is useful. Add a short example of a bad online buy, such as getting the wrong size or waiting a long time for a return.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, good points, bad points, and end. Make each paragraph focus on one main idea, with a topic sentence at the start.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, and “Moreover” are good, but do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph stronger. Do not only repeat that there are good and bad points. State your final view clearly: for example, that the good points are greater if people buy from safe sites.
task response
You cover both the good and bad sides of online shopping, including time, lower prices, scams, shipping costs, and returns.
task response
The example about buying food on the way home is clear and close to real life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, a paragraph about good points, a paragraph about bad points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “For example”, “Secondly”, “Moreover”, and “However” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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