The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

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The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.
The charts compare the information on entertainment events in terms of attendance and
ticket
Use synonyms
cost in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, cinemas were the most attended activity,
whereas
Linking Words
the least people chose sports events. It is
also
Linking Words
worth noting that the most expensive
ticket
Use synonyms
belonged to the Football game - AFL, regarding both single and family
tickets
Use synonyms
. Focusing on attendance, the cinema dominated the chart with roughly 1200 cinemagoers, which is followed by theme parks with around 370 visitors.
Finally
Linking Words
, sports events ranked third place (around 180 visitors). As for the admission price (a family
ticket
Use synonyms
includes up to 4 people), the
tickets
Use synonyms
for football games were the priciest, ranging from $71 to $75 (for a single
ticket
Use synonyms
), and $280 to $298 (for a family
ticket
Use synonyms
).
By contrast
Linking Words
,
tickets
Use synonyms
for all other entertainment avenues were under $71 for a single
ticket
Use synonyms
and under 280 for a family
ticket
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, cinema
tickets
Use synonyms
were the cheapest ($15 for a single
ticket
Use synonyms
and $55 for a family
ticket
Use synonyms
).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ticket, tickets with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • entertainment venues
  • admission prices
  • visitors
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • revenue
  • cost-effective
  • correlation
  • trends
  • marketing strategies
  • fluctuations
  • cultural events
  • accessibility
  • demographics
  • peak season
  • off-peak
  • consumer behavior
  • pricing strategy
  • profit margin
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