IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

"Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree. Beka

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A number of individuals believe that preventative measures are better than cures and that treating
diseases
Use synonyms
 is too expensive for them. I agree with
this
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 statement, because many
people
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 do not take care of their health ahead of time,
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 not carry out preventive measures, because of
this
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 they may not notice a serious illness, the treatment of which will cost them a considerable amount. First and foremost, disease
prevention
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 can significantly reduce costs for both governments and individuals. At the same time, preventive measures
such
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 as proper nutrition, regular physical activity, and vaccinations are much cheaper. Governments that invest in
prevention
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 programs can reduce the burden on hospitals and healthcare facilities, and individuals who take care of their health in advance can avoid large medical expenses.
For example
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, treating chronic
diseases
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such
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 as diabetes or cardiovascular disease requires constant use of expensive medications, regular check-ups, and, in some cases, complex surgeries.
In addition
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, A healthy lifestyle and disease
prevention
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 allow
people
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 to remain active, energetic and independent for longer.
Prevention
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also
Linking Words
 reduces the likelihood of developing serious and incurable
diseases
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,
such
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 as cancer or stroke, which can lead to disability.
In addition
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, preventing infectious
diseases
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 through vaccination protects not only the individual
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 the entire society, reducing the spread of epidemics.
Thus
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,
prevention
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 helps
people
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 not only live longer
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 feel better throughout their lives.
For example
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, regular exercise and proper nutrition help to avoid obesity, diabetes and heart problems, allowing a person to lead a full life without limitations. In conclusion, I support the idea of ​​investing more money in
prevention
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,
this
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 will improve the structure of life and fewer
people
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 will die.

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improvement
Your introduction clearly presents your position, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing your opening to draw the reader in more effectively.
improvement
In your conclusion, rather than simply stating your support, elaborate on the potential benefits of investing in prevention in more detail for a stronger closing argument.
improvement
While you present good examples, ensure they directly support the main point of each paragraph. For instance, expand on the societal implications of vaccinations in your discussion of prevention.
strength
Your organization is logical, with clear main points and supporting details, which makes the essay easy to follow.
strength
You've included relevant examples that enhance your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevention
  • cure
  • costly
  • invest
  • preventative measures
  • research
  • treatment
  • healthcare system
  • burden
  • healthcare costs
  • cost-effectiveness
  • public health
  • education
  • vaccinations
  • economic productivity
  • sick days
  • health disparities
  • marginalized communities
  • social equality
  • health initiatives
  • lifestyle changes
  • wellness programs
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