IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is a part of life in many places and as a result, this leads to bad effects in lifestyle and diet. To what extent do you agree?

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There’s no doubt in the fact that
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 industry has become
inseparable
Add an article
an inseparable
show examples
 part of our modern world, and
this
Linking Words
 could lead to negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 lifestyle and health conditions.
This
Linking Words
 essay
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
largely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 view,
however
Linking Words
 highlights other factors which contributes to negative outcomes.
Body paragraph 1
The strongest argument for
this
Linking Words
 claim is nutrition.
Typical
Add an article
A typical
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 meal consists of immense
grams
Check wording
amounts
show examples
 of sugar, saturated fat, calories and salt, yet
lack fiber
Rephrase
lacks fibre
 and vitamins, and regular consumption of it is usually associated with diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity and diabetes.
Convenience
Add an article
The convenience
show examples
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a factor for
this
Linking Words
 habit to expand broadly. An office worker who collects
burger
Add an article
a burger
show examples
 from a drive-through every lunchtime will eventually stop cooking, home-prepared meals
loose
Verb problem
give way
show examples
 to delivery
food
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 meals
eaten
Verb problem
are eaten
show examples
 in front of the screen. Children grown up under
such
Linking Words
 conditions tend to have
lasting
Add an article
a lasting
show examples
 taste for sugar and salt, which makes healthier choices harder in adulthood.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, responsibility lies not only with fast
food
Use synonyms
. Many manufacturers now include the calorie content and full list of ingredients
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their product packaging, and a lot of fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants offer salads or grilled options, thereby giving the consumer a choice. Sedentary work, spending many hours at
computer
Add an article
a computer
show examples
, and a lack of physical activity are equally harmful to one’s health. A man who eats a burger once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week but
exercise
Replace the word
exercises
 regularly is unlikely to suffer lasting harm.
However
Linking Words
, affordability and aggressive marketing
makes fast-
Rephrase
make fast food
food
Use synonyms
 almost unavoidable for certain population groups,
such
Linking Words
 as low-income families or students.
Conclusion
In conclusion, fast
food
Use synonyms
 does contribute considerably to poor diets and
low-active
Add an article
a low-active
show examples
 lifestyle,
although
Linking Words
 it works alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other modern habits rather than in isolation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree, but you also show that other things can harm health. To make it even stronger, say more clearly how far you agree in the first paragraph and keep that same view in each body paragraph.
task response
Your main ideas are good and on-topic. Add one more clear link between fast food and lifestyle, not only diet. For example, explain how fast food can lead people to eat at home less, sit more, or spend less time making food.
task response
The examples of the office worker, children, and low-income families help your ideas. Make each example a little more full by saying exactly why it proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. In the second body paragraph, the point about food labels and salad choices does not fully connect to the next point about sitting and exercise. Add a short sentence to show that people can make choices, but their work and daily life also affect health.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is clearer. This is useful in the first body paragraph, where you discuss sugar, fat, salt, and health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Check a few small word forms because they can slow the reader down: use 'This essay largely agrees', 'other factors which contribute', 'a typical fast food meal', 'children who grow up', and 'once a week'. Keep key terms the same, such as 'fast food' or 'junk food', unless you have a clear reason to change them.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a balanced view. You explain why fast food is harmful while also showing that it is not the only cause of poor health.
task response
Your ideas are useful and real. The points about easy access, work habits, children, cost, and ads give your answer good support.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main purpose. The first explains why fast food can be harmful, and the second adds limits and other causes.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly returns to your main view and does not add a new idea.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: