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Writing Samples
Band 8

(CGPT) Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
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 believe that competitive
sports
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 bring
people
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 of different ages and from different cultural backgrounds together,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that rivalry between teams can cause conflict. In my opinion, these
sports
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 are valuable because they create opportunities for lasting friendships,
while
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 the risk of conflict can be reduced through effective organisation.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporting the same team gives individuals a common topic of conversation, even when they have little else in common.
For example
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, an older local supporter and a younger fan from another country might discuss their favourite player or their club’s prospects for the next season.
This
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 shared interest can help them overcome initial social barriers and get to know each other. Over time, these conversations may develop into friendships that extend beyond the stadium. Competitive
sports
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 can
therefore
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 bridge cultural and generational differences and create a stronger sense of community.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, intense rivalry between teams can lead to aggressive behaviour among supporters. Fans who identify strongly with their national team may take defeat personally and direct their frustration towards opposing supporters.
For instance
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, after losing an international final, some fans may insult their rivals, leading to arguments or even physical fights.
Such
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 behaviour can reinforce negative attitudes towards
people
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 from other countries.
However
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, clear rules against abuse and effective security at sporting events can help limit these incidents, allowing supporters to enjoy the competition and interact peacefully.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 competitive
sports
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 can cause conflict, I believe their ability to connect
people
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 makes them valuable. With appropriate measures to discourage aggression, sporting events can provide opportunities for friendship across age groups and cultures.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make the answer even stronger, add one more clear reason why sport brings people together, such as work in local clubs or events for children and adults.
task response
Your examples are clear and on topic. You could make them feel more real by adding a short, more exact case, for example a local game where fans from two places meet and talk.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are used well. For more flow, vary some link words and use a few simple word links, such as “this way”, “because of this”, or “as a result”.
coherence and cohesion
The last line sums up your view well. You can make it a little more direct by repeating the key point that the good sides are greater than the bad sides when rules are in place.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain how sport can bring people together, how it can cause trouble, and what you think.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: shared support can start friendships, while strong team feeling can lead to anger and fights.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear. The first body part gives the good side, and the second body part gives the bad side and a way to deal with it.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
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