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Band 7

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
art
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subjects
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,
such
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 as painting and drawing, are just as important as other academic disciplines and should
therefore
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 be compulsory in high schools.
Although
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 I acknowledge that studying
art
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 offers several benefits to
students
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, I disagree with the idea that these
subjects
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 should be mandatory for everyone.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
art
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 education plays a significant role in children's
overall
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 development.
Firstly
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, activities
such
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 as painting and drawing can enhance
students
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' creativity and enable them to express their emotions and ideas through visual forms.
Furthermore
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, these activities help young people develop patience, concentration and problem-solving skills.
This
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 is because creating a painting requires
students
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 to pay close attention to detail and work carefully.
As a result
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,
art
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 lessons can contribute not only to
students
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' personal development but
also
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 to their academic performance in other
subjects
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, making
art
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 classes compulsory for all
students
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 may place unnecessary pressure on teenagers and waste valuable time that could be devoted to other areas of study.
This
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 is mainly because young people have different
interests
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, abilities and career ambitions. Some may be more passionate about mathematics, science or technology,
while
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 others may prefer physical activities. If schools force
students
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 to study
art
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 regardless of their
interests
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, those who lack enthusiasm for these
subjects
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 may become bored and lose motivation.
Instead
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, schools should provide
students
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 with the freedom to select
subjects
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 that match their
interests
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 and future career plans.
This
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 would allow them to focus on developing relevant skills and pursuing their personal ambitions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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art
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 education helps
students
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 improve their creativity and concentration, I do not believe that it should be compulsory for all teenagers. I would argue that making
art
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 an optional subject is a more effective approach, as it allows
students
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 to make choices based on their individual
interests
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 and aspirations.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: art has value, but it should not be forced on every student. To make the answer even stronger, add one real example. For example, show how an art class may help a student in science or help a student share feelings.
task response
You explain both sides well. You could make your main view more exact by saying what schools should do instead, such as offer art classes as a choice or ask all students to take one art class for a short time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each main part has one clear job: the good points of art, the problems with forcing it, and your final view. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result”. Use a few links less often, though, so the writing feels more natural. You can also join ideas by repeating key words like “students”, “art”, and “choice” in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part is strong, but the idea about “waste valuable time” could be explained more fully. Say why this time is more useful for some students, or give one short case to support it.
task response
You answer every part of the question and give a clear opinion. Your reasons about creativity, focus, student choice, and future plans are on-topic.
task response
The ideas are well explained. You do not only state that art is useful; you show how painting and drawing can build care, focus, and problem solving.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly match. The last part restates your view without changing it.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered, and the move from the benefits of art to the limits of compulsory art classes is clear and smooth.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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