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Writing Samples
Band 4

With the increased global demands in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
With the increasing global demand for
oil
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 and
gas
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, unexplored
areas
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 of the
world
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 should be opened up to access additional
resources
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.I believe that exploring and opening up these
areas
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 would be beneficial for the
world
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. So, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are a number of
countries
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 around the
world
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 that are in need of important
resources
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such
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 as
oil
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 and
gas
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.To clarify,
for getting
Wrong verb form
to get
show examples
 these
resources
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, they should make an agreement with other communities.
Furthermore
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, governments often have to spend money on purchasing
oil
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 and
gas
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 from other
countries
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.
For instance
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, many communities cannot set aside
budget
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a budget
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 for other important issues
such
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 as
elder
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elderly
 people’s pensions or works that related
with
Rephrase
to the
 country’s property .
As a result
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, they become dependent on other nations.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, if those unexplored regions were made accessible to
countries
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 around the
world
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, governments could make use of the
resources
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 found there.
In addition
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,
By
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by
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 exploiting natural
resources
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 found in unexplored
areas
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,
countries
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 can improve their citizens' living standards and allocate more funds to essential sectors
such
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 as education, healthcare and infrastructure. To illustrate,
countries
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 can
also
Linking Words
 expand their trade partnerships and improve their economic growth. To summarise, these unopened
areas
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 can
make
Verb problem
have
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 a beneficial effect for communities which are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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decline or in need of
oil
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 and
gas
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 reserves.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that exploring these
areas
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 can help many
countries
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 improve their prosperity and strengthen trade relations with other nations.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that new areas should be opened. However, explain more fully why this is the best choice. You should also deal with the other side, such as harm to nature, sea life, and local people. Then say why you still agree, or why strict rules are needed.
task response
Some main ideas need clearer support. For example, explain how new oil and gas can lower costs, help power homes, or help a country use less money on imports. The point about pensions is not fully clear, so link it more directly to oil and gas costs.
task response
Use one clear, real or possible example. You could describe a country that buys most of its gas from abroad and must spend less on schools or health care when gas prices rise.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Still, the first body part and the second body part repeat a similar idea about countries needing resources. Give each body part a different job.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow between ideas smoother. In the first body part, move from need for oil and gas, to high import costs, to dependence on other countries. In the next body part, move from access to new resources, to more money, to better public services.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “However” is usually used to show an opposite idea, but here the second body part mostly adds to the first. A phrase such as “For this reason” or “If new areas are opened” would fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter and clearer sentences in a few places. For example, replace “works that related with country’s property” with “public work in the country.” Also leave one space after each full stop.
task response
You give a direct opinion from the start and keep the same view throughout the essay.
task response
Your ideas about lower dependence on other countries, trade, education, health care, and public work are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraphing, and the conclusion brings your main view back at the end.
coherence and cohesion
You use several useful signposts, such as “To begin with,” “For instance,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.”
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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