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Band 7.5

nowadeys many people complain that they have dificulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause. what can be done about lack of sleep.

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Introduction
In our modern times, many individuals are struggling with a lack of sleep.
This
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 essay argues that the prime issues are fatigue and low productivity rates, and the most effective remedies are building a nighttime routine and taking sleep-inducing pills and products.
Body paragraph 1
Fatigue is one of the most serious problems sleep deprivation causes. Since most cells within the human body require rest to recover and renew themselves,
therefore
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, the majority of people who do not get enough sleep are always exhuasted and weary
in addition
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 to its negetive impact on their well-being,
moreover
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, those individuals struggle to preform their home, school and work duties, and some with seveer insomnia become unmotivated to do even basic actions
such
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 as taking care of their hygiene, eating and spending time with their families and friends.
Furthermore
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, these symptoms could cause serious harm to others.
For example
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, driving when exhausted could result in car accidents.
Body paragraph 2
Turning to solutions, the most powerful approach is to build an efficient nighttime routine that prepares the body for bed, which can consist of cutting screentime two hours before bed, meditating and taking a warm shower.
Moreover
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, there are multiple products on the market nowadays that induce sleep.
For instance
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, taking magnesium or melatonin is scientifically proven to relax muscles and improve the quality of sleep;
however
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, they are not suitable for all people.
Additionally
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, heavy blankets have become popular in the past decade among those who suffer from sleep insufficiency since it provides gentle, distributed weight to stimulate muscles and joints, lowering nighttime stress hormones.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 lack of rest will result in tiredness and poor productivity, having an efficient nighttime ritual and using products that induce sleep might reverse the trend within a short period.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. To make the ideas stronger, add one more clear problem, such as poor health or low focus at school and work. Explain each point in a little more detail.
task response
Your example about driving while tired is clear and useful. Be careful with strong health claims about pills and products. Say that people should ask a doctor before using them.
task response
The main ideas are clear: tiredness, poor work, a night plan, and sleep aids. The point about products could be less strong, because these may not help all people and may not fix the cause of poor sleep.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and contain many ideas. Break them into two or three shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. In the first body part, words such as "therefore" and "moreover" are used in a long sentence. Put each link between two clear ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link to poor productivity more direct. After fatigue, clearly state how tired people make more mistakes, work more slowly, or cannot focus.
task response
You deal with both the causes of problems and ways to solve them, and you give a real example of a road crash caused by tired driving.
task response
The solutions are practical and easy to understand, such as less screen time, quiet time, and a warm shower before bed.
coherence and cohesion
Each main body part has one clear job: the first explains problems and the second gives solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly returns to the main problems and solutions, so the essay feels complete.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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