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Band 7

People spend too much time on social media. Is it a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Recently, there has been considerable debate about whether spending excessive
time
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 on social
media
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 is beneficial or harmful.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that these platforms help users stay connected and informed, I firmly believe that
this
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 is a negative development because it damages real-life relationships and significantly reduces
people
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's productivity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, spending too much
time
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 on social
media
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 weakens face-to-face communication and social bonds.
This
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 is because many individuals become so absorbed in their online lives that they neglect meaningful interactions with family members and friends.
For example
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, it is common to see
people
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 checking their phones during family gatherings
instead
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 of having conversations with those around them.
As a result
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, relationships gradually become weaker, and many
people
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 experience loneliness despite being constantly connected online.
Body paragraph 2
Another major drawback is that excessive use of social
media
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 wastes valuable
time
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 and lowers productivity.
This
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 is because users are often distracted by endless videos, posts, and notifications, making it difficult to focus on important tasks.
For instance
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, many students spend several hours scrolling through social networking applications
instead
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 of studying, which negatively affects their academic performance.
Likewise
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, employees who frequently check social
media
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 during working hours may complete fewer tasks and become less efficient.
Consequently
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, excessive screen
time
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 can reduce both educational achievement and workplace performance.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 offers several advantages, I believe that spending too much
time
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 on these platforms is undoubtedly a negative development.
This
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 is mainly because it weakens personal relationships and decreases productivity, making it essential for
people
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 to use social
media
Use synonyms
 in a more balanced and responsible way.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same to the end. To make it even stronger, add one short point about why the good sides of social media do not change your main view.
task response
Your two main ideas are well explained: harm to real-life ties and less work or study. You could add a little more detail about how phone use changes a real talk between people.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your ideas. Try to make one example more real and exact, such as a student who checks videos before an exam or a worker who misses a work task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are used well, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently”. To avoid a repeated feel, use fewer cause-and-effect links in some places and let the ideas flow in longer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
The last part sums up your main view well. It could be a little sharper if it only restated the two key harms, without adding a new call for people to act.
task response
You answer the full question directly and give a clear negative view.
task response
The points about family and friends, study, and work are on-topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is strong: each main point has an explanation, an example, and a clear result.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and closing parts clearly guide the reader and match each other.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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