IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 have differing views about the significance of the
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 in the present age of technology.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no need for
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 when it is possible to have access to
on line version
Rephrase
online versions
 of everything, in my opinion,
that
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 facilities are still of paramount importance for both
people
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 and
economics
Check wording
the economy
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
people
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 today are able to watch any content they want through
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 without spending a lot of time and money.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, using electronic
devise
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devices
show examples
 and social platforms makes it possible for users to watch any movies or films at any time they want. Shows and films are put at a certain time in
cinemas
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,
Correct word order
and theatres,
show examples
theatres
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 which is not suitable for everyone. But if
people
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 use
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
show examples
 they can ensure the flexibility.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prices that have to be paid.
to
Capitalize the word
To
show examples
 enter
cinemas
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 and
theatres
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not
afford.able
Replace the word
affordable
 for many
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
. However
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,
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the Internet,
to watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 a movie or film can be much cheaper.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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.
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apply
show examples
, I,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 argue that
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 still have their significant part in terms of environment
and.
Punctuation problem
and
show examples
 financial benefits.
For example
Linking Words
,
cinemas
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 are provided with very big screens which can make
people
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 feel themselves inside the movie and in
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theatres
Punctuation problem
theatres,
show examples
 watchers would enjoy the shows
and.
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and performances done by real actors, which is impossible to do
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers
and.
Punctuation problem
and
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 mobile phone screens. On top of
this
Linking Words
, public
theatres
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 can bring the money that can be spent on public needs
New
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. New
show examples
 roads
and.
Punctuation problem
and
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 other facilities can be erected. for public use with the financial funds taken from those
cinemas
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,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
theatres
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
theatres
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and.
Punctuation problem
and
show examples
cinemas
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 can be
refered
Correct your spelling
referred to
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 as non-useful places
due to
Linking Words
 the developments in modern technologies
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I believe that the use of them would bring a lot of advantages to
bot
Correct your spelling
both
people
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 and society.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the question. Make your own view more direct in the first paragraph and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Explain the money point more fully. Say who gets the money from cinemas and theatres, and how this can help jobs, shops, or the local area.
task response
Use a real and clear example. For example, you could say that a new film may cost less to watch at home, but a cinema visit can support workers and nearby food places.
coherence and cohesion
Your main plan is clear: one paragraph for online viewing and one for cinemas and theatres. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of ideas: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not use “however” twice in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences complete and easy to read. For example, change “Secondly, prices that have to be paid” to “Second, ticket prices can be too high for some people.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid broken words and extra full stops, such as “afford.able”, “on the other hand.”, and “and. and”. Check each sentence before you finish.
task response
You give useful reasons for online viewing, such as lower cost and the freedom to watch at any time.
task response
You also give clear reasons why cinemas and theatres still matter: the large screen, live actors, and money for the public.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion. This makes the overall shape easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast well with phrases such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming platforms
  • on-demand entertainment
  • watch content at home
  • a wide range of choices
  • affordable subscription
  • convenience and flexibility
  • the shared viewing experience
  • a high-quality sound system
  • live performance
  • a sense of occasion
  • cultural heritage
  • support local artists
  • create employment opportunities
  • boost the local economy
  • attract tourists
  • nearby businesses
  • face financial pressure
  • complement rather than replace
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