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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
this
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 contemporary era, many individuals rely significantly on the
Internet
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 to obtain information about the world
instead
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 of reading newspapers or watching TV programmes.
While
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 several experts think that
this
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 is a negative development, I firmly believe that
this
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 is a positive development
due to
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 the beneficial
news
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 that the
Internet
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 offers about politics and scientific studies.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, numerous learners are convinced that there are various websites which demonstrate more effective
news
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 than TV programmes. To illustrate, the
Internet
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 provides a huge diversity of
resources
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 about wars and other
news
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,
while
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 TV programmes generally depend on limited
resources
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 to display events about the world.
For instance
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, on the
Internet
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, individuals can read
news
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 on diverse websites,
such
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 as Google
News
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, BBC, and Financial Times.
Consequently
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, the
Internet
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 demonstrates numerous reliable
resources
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, thereby making it easier to search for a particular event or discovery that many people want to learn about.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, the
Internet
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 gives numerous students the opportunity to explore recent academic studies to enhance their academic careers. To explain, students who want to complete their educational projects can utilise the
Internet
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 to read several scientific research papers.
For example
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, numerous learners in university depend on the
Internet
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 to search for scientific studies on websites
such
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 as NCBI, ScienceDirect, and Web of Science.
Thus
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, the
Internet
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 offers various beneficial
resources
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 for students to read
news
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 about scientific research.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, the
Internet
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 provides
diverse
Punctuation problem
diverse,
show examples
 reliable
resources
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 for political and scientific information, thereby facilitating the search for
news
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. I am strongly convinced that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is the most essential tool in our lives.

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task response
You give a clear answer: you think this change is positive. Your two main ideas are clear: more news choice and help for students. However, the first point should focus more on world news, not only politics and war. Explain why online news is better for all readers, such as faster updates, easy access, or many views.
task response
Your examples are useful, but some are lists of website names. Add one short real-life example to show how a person can use online news in a better way than TV or papers.
task response
Be careful with the word “reliable”. Not all internet news is true. To make your view stronger, say that people should use trusted news sites and check more than one source.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this strong shape.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear, with phrases such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, and “To sum up”. Try not to use “numerous”, “various”, and “diverse” too often. Use simple words like “many”, “different”, and “more”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea. For example, the first body paragraph says that the internet has many sources several times. Join these ideas and use the extra space to explain the result for readers.
coherence and cohesion
Use more direct wording. “Websites which demonstrate more effective news” is not clear. Write: “Websites can give more complete and up-to-date news than TV programmes.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
The points about wider news choice and access to science papers are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear, and the conclusion matches your main view.
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