IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the rapid development of technology has increased the opportunities for people around the world to connect and become friends easily. From my point of view,
although
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 online
friendships
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 can be real bonding and it is without a doubt a new way of making friends, in-person
friendships
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 are more meaningful. It is obvious that internet users can create great connections, especially with individuals who have the same opinions. To cite an instance, some find it difficult to tackle their struggles or tell them directly, several social media platforms like Instagram or Facebook create fascinating conversations by enjoying the same topics and having advice from others.
Furthermore
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, it is so convenient in order to contact quickly or share job experiences effectively.
As a result
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, humans may enhance social relationships
such
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 as long-lasting
friendships
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.
On the other hand
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, in-person
friendships
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 are more meaningful bonds.
Firstly
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, meeting
face
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 to
face
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 can provide a safe environment for one to express their emotion and elevate their mood easily.
For example
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, teenagers in the present time have many parties or coffee gatherings because of stressful situations
instead
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 of texting each other. They find it easy to understand and describe feelings comfortably.
Moreover
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, there is not only a deep conservation, but it
also
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 gives several benefits of the ability to communicate with body language and eye contact. These features are the real values and meanings that most consider important in their connections which cannot be found easily when talking on the Internet.
Thus
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, in-person
friendships
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 are really more valuable than online. In conclusion, meeting
face
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 to
face
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 can expose one’s emotions honestly and present their performance that cannot be seen through the screen.
However
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, people who share the same thoughts through online communications will be
also
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 a valuable connection.

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are clearly expanded and supported with more detailed examples. This will provide more depth and clarity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow of ideas between paragraphs to make the essay more cohesive. Using transition words effectively can help in achieving this.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing the main points more clearly and reinforcing the viewpoint stated in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical structure.
task achievement
Relevant points are made about the benefits of online and in-person friendships, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good examples are provided to illustrate the points, although they could be more detailed for better clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
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