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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

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It is true that in contemporary society, there are no longer
many
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any
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noticable
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noticeable
notable
 differences among distinguished
cities
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 around the globe,
while
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 in the past, people were extremely keen on
traveling
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travelling
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 to discover new features that their regions did not possess. In my opinion,
this
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 tendency can be explained in various ways and it may bring about both negative and positive consequences. There are two main reasons why cross-country
cities
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 are becoming the same.
Firstly
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, developing nations have adopted a great number of architectural styles from their developed counterparts in order to create a modern appearance. To exemplify
this
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, Vietnamese people used to build traditional stilt houses for
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 but these days, they are more likely to be interested in foreign designs
such
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 as French
villa
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villas
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.
Secondly
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, international cuisine has
also
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integrated
Add a missing verb
been integrated
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in
Change the preposition
into
with
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 every country.
Therefore
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, visitors often see several restaurants serving their home country’s food when travelling to other parts of the world. On the one hand, acculturation can be positive to some extent. It is obvious that nowadays, immigrants can quickly adapt to a new living environment compared to
various
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the various
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 difficulties they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to encounter
formerly
Rephrase
apply
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.
For example
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, when settling in Korea, my Japanese friend has found using
subway
Correct article usage
the subway
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 rather easy because she
was
Wrong verb form
has been
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 accustomed to it since living in Japan.
On the other hand
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, the similarities among
cities
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 across the world can be considered from an opposite angle. The development of those
cities
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’ tourism industry might be gradually decelerated
due to
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 the lack of cultural uniqueness. Particularly, there will be a significant decline in the number of foreign visitors coming to each nation. In conclusion, in
this
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 day and age, numerous
cities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 different continents have certain characteristics in common, but not all of the outcomes resulting from
this
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 phenomenon have been positive.

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task response
Task Response: The response addresses the reasons for the increasing similarity among cities and discusses both positive and negative consequences. However, the explanation of each reason and its impact could be expanded further with more specific details and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, leading to coherence in the essay. However, further improvement can be made by providing more explicit linkers and transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance cohesion.
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