Education for young people is important in many countries. However, the others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who can not read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world,
education
is
increadibly
not easy to believe
incredibly
essential
with
Suggestion
to
everyone not
Accept comma addition
everyone, not
only children but
also
adult. There
are
Suggestion
is
an idea that authority should give more
budget
to help adults who are unable to read or write. In my opinion,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
tend to agree with that suggest because it could change many lives. Apparently, people are living in an erratic world where we need to roughly compete with others to have an excellent
lives
Suggestion
life
. One of the most important factors that could
affects
Suggestion
affect
on people is knowledge,
education
might be the shortest and easiest (way) to gain achievement today. In many cases, a lot of people did not have opportunities to access to educational system when they were young, because of hunger and poverty that push them to work in
early lives
Suggestion
the early lives
(ages). Despite many people still do well at
thier
of them or themselves
their
there
job,
however
sometimes they could struggle to communicate with others in many circumstances.
Additionally
, people could have chances to obtain better living condition because when they can read or write
,
Accept space
,
they might be able to apply in more brilliant job as officer
instead
of hands working.
Furthermore
,
education
could change the awareness of many people, thanks to
education
that could allow us to think outside of the box.
For example
, in my region there
are have
Suggestion
have had
some night (extra) class for those
adult
Suggestion
adults
who do not have
capacity
Suggestion
the capacity
(are unable to) to deal with words
.
Accept space
.
Having said that, the nation's
budget
have
Suggestion
has
a limit (national
budget
is limited),
hence
,
politicial
involving or characteristic of politics or parties or politicians
political
leaders should give priority for children or other aspects need to be concerned. In
this
case, government should take into account about the
number
Suggestion
amount
of money they spend on helping adult. In conclusion,
authorities particularly
Accept comma addition
authorities, particularly
might release a certain
extent amount
Suggestion
extent, amount
extensive amount
extensive extensive amount
extended amount
of
budget
Suggestion
the budget
that is
really great to provide everyone opportunities that could help their lives better.
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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • young people
  • government
  • money
  • adult population
  • read
  • write
  • development
  • nation
  • improve
  • quality of life
  • investing
  • reduced
  • poverty
  • income inequality
  • funds
  • balancing
  • budget allocation
  • crucial
  • equal access
  • opportunities
  • promoting
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • positive effects
  • society
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