IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

task 2: the use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society

#media #interaction #people #society
The idea of social
media
 having replaced the role of direct
communication
 is gaining more traction in society.
While
this
 has admittedly certain benefits, I would contend that these are overshadowed by the drawbacks. On the
one
 hand, interacting through social platforms can be advantageous to a particular extent. Foremost among these is to save a large amount of time. That said,
instead
 of spending time on transportation to move from
one
 place to another
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
, which can occupy up to several hours, people can access their social
media
 accounts
such
 as a Facebook account to make up online meetings with family, relatives, or their lovers as simultaneously as they want. Another advantage could not be skipped is that the flexibility of locations where people interact, especially to the ones who live far away from them.
This
 means, that if a Vietnamese person wishes to have a meeting with an American person, who is half of the Earth’s cycle from his or her,
then
 social networks with high-speed data transmission allow them to do that without any objections or limitations.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that the aforementioned benefits pale in significance when compared to the disadvantages of lacking face-to-face interaction.
One
 legitimate concern revolves around the potential risks of hackers stealing users’ information, which can not be ensured to be completely private on social
media
 space and can be stolen through gaps.
For instance
, recently
Vietnam
Change noun form
Vietnam's
show examples
 cyber security agency has recently recorded many cases of individuals whose voices and gestures were created and imitated through artificial intelligence and
then
 shown to their acquaintances when making video calls by hackers for the purposes of defrauding money. Another drawback is that indirect
communication
 limits physical interactions
such
 as hugs, kisses, and hand-shakings. These physical connections play an important role in developing advanced
communication
 skills, identifying and maintaining others’ emotions for better efficiency in
communication
, and improving body language in specific contexts as well. Had there not been any social interaction, there would have not been a society where human beings dominate any other kinds of primate animals. In conclusion, despite certain advantages of communicating through social
media
, I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are far more pronounced.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure you maintain a balance between discussing the advantages and disadvantages; in this essay, the disadvantages were more thoroughly explored.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly. Transitions between arguments could be slightly more fluid.
task achievement
Excellent use of specific examples to illustrate points, particularly the example involving Vietnamese and American individuals.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a single main point and is well-organized.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: