some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend the free time.

It is sometimes thought that children should spend more
time
at
school
and less
spar
thin and fit
spare
time
at their disposal.
This
they believe can help children
lear
gain knowledge or skills
learn
more which will benefit them
at
Suggestion
in
on
the
longrun
Suggestion
long run
. In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
I believe that free
time
should be
use
Suggestion
used
to acquire new skills or engage in sporting activities that could benefit them and the society rather than on
school
work.
Firstly
,
school
work
are
Suggestion
is
important and should be done within the
school
hours. Free
time
can be used for other activities that could help increase the children's
productivity
Accept comma addition
productivity, such
such
as, learning a new
skills
Suggestion
skill
. Through
this
, children are able to learn something different that can be of value to them and perhaps the society in the
longrun
Suggestion
long run
.
For instance
a survey in the entertainment industry revealed that, 90% of musicians today learnt the act of singing during their childhood.
this
Suggestion
This
skills turned out to be their career in the end.
Another
Suggestion
Other
activities to consider during
spar
thin and fit
spare
time
is engaging
Suggestion
is engaged
in sports. By so doing, children are able to have fun and bond with their peers.
This
helps to build their
inter-personal
occurring among or involving several people
interpersonal
relationship skills and
also
improve their health.
For example
, children involved in sporting activities are less prone to obesity and
are able
Suggestion
have able also influenced
are able also influence
also
influence the way the parents live. Parents can encourage their children by keeping fit and staying healthy. In conclusion,
freetime
Suggestion
Freetime
freedom
should be used for productive activities that enhance the lives of children rather than just
school
work.
children
Suggestion
Children
should be encourage
Suggestion
should be encouraged
should encourage
to take up activities at
spar
thin and fit
spare
time
that are beneficial to them and the society at large.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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