some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend the free time.

#people #children #time #school #work

It is sometimes thought that children should spend more

time

school

and less

spar

thin and fit

spare

time

at their disposal.

This

they believe can help children

lear

gain knowledge or skills

learn

more which will benefit them

Suggestion

the

longrun

Suggestion

long run

. In my opinion

Accept space

I believe that free

time

should be

use

Suggestion

used

to acquire new skills or engage in sporting activities that could benefit them and the society rather than on

school

work.

Firstly

school

work

are

Suggestion

important and should be done within the

school

hours. Free

time

can be used for other activities that could help increase the children's

productivity

Accept comma addition

productivity, such

such

as, learning a new

skills

Suggestion

skill

. Through

this

, children are able to learn something different that can be of value to them and perhaps the society in the

longrun

Suggestion

long run

For instance

a survey in the entertainment industry revealed that, 90% of musicians today learnt the act of singing during their childhood.

this

Suggestion

This

skills turned out to be their career in the end.

Another

Suggestion

Other

activities to consider during

spar

thin and fit

spare

time

is engaging

Suggestion

is engaged

in sports. By so doing, children are able to have fun and bond with their peers.

This

helps to build their

inter-personal

occurring among or involving several people

interpersonal

relationship skills and

also

improve their health.

For example

, children involved in sporting activities are less prone to obesity and

are able

Suggestion

have able also influenced

are able also influence

also

influence the way the parents live. Parents can encourage their children by keeping fit and staying healthy. In conclusion,

freetime

Suggestion

Freetime

freedom

should be used for productive activities that enhance the lives of children rather than just

school

work.

children

Suggestion

Children

should be encourage

Suggestion

should be encouraged

should encourage

to take up activities at

spar

thin and fit

spare

time

that are beneficial to them and the society at large.

Submitted by edechlo on Sat Apr 06 2019

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend the free time.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax provate car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and will use up the world’s resources. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this on society and families?

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.