IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You are temporarily moving to a new city for your job. You will be there for three months, and you would like to rent some accommodation for your stay. Write to an accommodation rental office. In your letter •Tell them how long you are staying. •Describe the type of accommodation you would like. •Explain what facilities you will need nearby.

#city #job #three #months #rent #accommodation #office #•tell #•describe #type #•explain #facilities
Dear Sir, I am writing to request information about my desire for a place to stay in the new city for the next three months for
work
 reasons. To confirm that I will stay in the new city for the next three months to complete the assigned
work
. The accommodation I want will be a small apartment with full amenities including one bedroom, one bathroom
as well as
 a kitchen for dining. Because
work
 is quite busy, there is very little time at home so there is no need for a very large space.
Due to
 the stressful nature of my job, I need a park, convenience stores and amenities around the apartment for entertainment and sports activities after a day of
work
,
such
 as a gym, tennis court and soccer field, … Thank you in advance for your assistance with
this
 matter. Yours faithfully, Le Huy Gia Hoang
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear and distinct idea to enhance readability and organization. While the overall structure is logical, more explicit paragraphing could elevate the clarity.
coherence cohesion
In formal letters, use formal salutations and closings. 'Dear Sir' could be improved to 'Dear Sir/Madam' to encompass all possible recipients. 'Yours faithfully' is correctly used following the salutation 'Dear Sir/Madam'.
task achievement
Task achievement is generally good, but more specific details about the type of accommodation or particular facilities desired could result in a higher band score. Refer to examples or preferences that show a complete understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The writing tone is appropriate for formal correspondence, but strive for consistency in formality throughout the letter. Avoid contractions and maintain a formal tone to align with the purpose of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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