Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Obesity in young children is becoming an ongoing concern, especially in Australia where 33 percent of them are considered to be drastically overweight. As the young students spend
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
of their day at
school
, their food intake and exercise regime should be dependent on schools to lead a healthier lifestyle. In
this
essay, I will discuss why I completely agree with
this
statement focusing on the reasons
such
as the amount of time primary and secondary
school
students spend at
school
, accessibility and peer support within their friendship.
Firstly
, students in Australia, specifically in Melbourne, students spend approximately 6 hours at
school
daily and majority of their day involves around
school
activities. Many parents believe that children should be given an opportunity to learn how to monitor their food intake and exercise output at schools.
For example
,
school
dinner schemes and sports programmes are being implemented in schools by the government to introduce good eating habits as well as tips on how to stay active. It would be significantly more convenient and easily accessible for younger generations to improve their lifestyle.
Secondly
, peer support is vital when it comes to children. A recent research shows that Australian students learn best when they are working collaboratively with their friends and classmates. Schools should be in charge of providing a variety of competitive sports classes on a daily basis where the students can have a chance to participate and educate themselves. If schools provide a safe environment for
young impressionable
Accept comma addition
young, impressionable
generations to get involved in health and sports classes,
then
it would have a major impact on reducing the obesity rate in Australia.
Lastly
, in order to tackle an issue
such
as childhood obesity, it needs
be
Suggestion
to be
a
nation-wide
occurring or extending throughout a country or nation
nationwide
approach as
this
would be beneficial for everyone. I strongly believe that schools should be responsible
then
parents could be a factor in motivating the children even
further
.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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