Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

some individuals think that lessening polluted environment and accommodation issues
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the attention of the government could avoid several health problems. In my opinion, I have
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
view
with
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of
show examples
that belief.
In
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On
show examples
the one hand, granted that
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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on alleviating contaminations and housing matters can improve
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
life standards.
for example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toxic emissions
such
as
smogs
Correct subject-verb agreement
smog
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and
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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from factories and vehicles may
release
Wrong verb form
be released
show examples
into the air and water
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cause
polluted
Replace the word
pollution
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in many areas,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
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negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life and even their breath.
moreover
, people who live in low quality
of
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apply
show examples
accommodation, especially
Change preposition
in slum
show examples
slum
Fix the agreement mistake
slums
show examples
, could get
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
rate of
inflectious
Correct your spelling
infectious
. by supporting
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
area to live, they completely cannot assess with
this
disease.
In
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On
show examples
the other hand, the mentioned ways play
negligible
Add an article
a negligible
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role in the causes of illness. I believe there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
various better ways that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
need to concentrate
to against
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on
show examples
this
matter.
first,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
can invest
for
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in
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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to research new vaccines to tackle
with
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apply
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every available
viruss
Correct your spelling
viruses
virus
or create
a environmentally friendly energy sources
Correct the article-noun agreement
an environmentally friendly energy source
environmentally friendly energy sources
show examples
that can prevent us from unwanted problems.
in addition
, the authority could prepare and encourage the dwellers
engage
Fix the infinitive
to engage
show examples
healthcare
Change preposition
in healthcare
show examples
programs and activities. For
Replace the word
instance
show examples
instant
Add a comma
instant,
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they can put more exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
in the public
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
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to enhance the quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Furthermore
, through schooling,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
can learn many methods to heighten their immune system. In conclusion, I think
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
on cutting down the environmental and accommodation problems are waste of money and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
, so we need to get more
remedy
Fix the agreement mistake
remedies
show examples
, and even increase the knowledge of people.
Submitted by tôi yêu ielts  on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should provide a clearer structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and supporting details. Ensure your arguments are logically organized.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, address both the points of view presented and offer comprehensive support and examples for your opinions.
task achievement
Improve grammar and vocabulary. This will help in making your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is well-structured into separate paragraphs.
task achievement
You include several specific examples to support your ideas, which enhances the quality of your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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