IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #diseas
some individuals think that lessening polluted environment and accommodation issues
by
Change preposition
with
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 the attention of the government could avoid several health problems. In my opinion, I have
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 view
with
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of
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 that belief.
In
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On
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 the one hand, granted that
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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 on alleviating contaminations and housing matters can improve
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
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 life standards.
for example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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toxic emissions
such
 as
smogs
Correct subject-verb agreement
smog
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 and
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 from factories and vehicles may
release
Wrong verb form
be released
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 into the air and water
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cause
polluted
Replace the word
pollution
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 in many areas,
have
Correct word choice
and have
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large
Add an article
a large
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 negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daily life and even their breath.
moreover
, people who live in low quality
of
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apply
show examples
accommodation, especially
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in slum
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slum
Fix the agreement mistake
slums
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, could get
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 rate of
inflectious
Correct your spelling
infectious
. by supporting
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
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 area to live, they completely cannot assess with
this
 disease.
In
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On
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 the other hand, the mentioned ways play
negligible
Add an article
a negligible
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 role in the causes of illness. I believe there
have
Verb problem
are
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 various better ways that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 need to concentrate
to against
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on
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this
 matter.
first,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 can invest
for
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in
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 to research new vaccines to tackle
with
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apply
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every available
viruss
Correct your spelling
viruses
virus
 or create
a environmentally friendly energy sources
Correct the article-noun agreement
an environmentally friendly energy source
environmentally friendly energy sources
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 that can prevent us from unwanted problems.
in addition
, the authority could prepare and encourage the dwellers
engage
Fix the infinitive
to engage
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healthcare
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in healthcare
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 programs and activities. For
Replace the word
instance
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instant
Add a comma
instant,
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 they can put more exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 in the public
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
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 to enhance the quality
life
Change preposition
of life
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 of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.
Furthermore
, through schooling,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 can learn many methods to heighten their immune system. In conclusion, I think
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on cutting down the environmental and accommodation problems are waste of money and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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, so we need to get more
remedy
Fix the agreement mistake
remedies
show examples
, and even increase the knowledge of people.
Submitted by tôi yêu ielts  on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should provide a clearer structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and supporting details. Ensure your arguments are logically organized.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, address both the points of view presented and offer comprehensive support and examples for your opinions.
task achievement
Improve grammar and vocabulary. This will help in making your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is well-structured into separate paragraphs.
task achievement
You include several specific examples to support your ideas, which enhances the quality of your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
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