As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

#children #leisure #time #indoors #computers #tv #lack

There is a trend these days for youngsters to waste their free hours playing video games and avoiding outdoor sports.

This

essay will discuss some of the serious health issues that can arise because of indoor activities only and will

also

highlight the remedy for

this

behaviour. With the advancement in technology,children have become more prone to some hazards of watching mobiles at their homes for longer duration.Spending a significant part of time on screen can cause problems with vision.The continuous strain on the eyes damages the retina and the ocular muscles.One of my nephews started using spectacles at the tender age of just 5 years

due to

prolonged focus on smartphones.

Moreover

, wasting days on TV and refraining from outdoor activities can lead to behavioural disorders.There was a study I read in the newspaper that mentioned violent behaviour among kids who were used to watching TV a lot.

Furthermore

, the younger generation can develop growth issues if they avoid going in the sun.There is tremendous research on Vitamin D deficiency in kids playing indoor games only which can ultimately lead to poor development of bones causing osteomalacia and rickets. To prevent

this

negative behaviour in offspring, the parents should play their role.They should restrict their screen time to as low as possible.They can encourage outdoor games by setting a personal example.

For instance

, when I see my son getting involved in YouTube movies, I make a plan to go to the park with a jogging track and a lot of other fun activities in which my son is interested more.

This

helps us in keeping a balance in leisure time spending.

To conclude

, the easy availability of electronic gadgetry is causing numerous medical disturbances in children which can be overcome by disciplining the kids by parents.

Submitted by alishah2294 on Mon Apr 15 2024

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Structure

Ensure that your essay has distinct paragraphs, each serving a unique purpose such as introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure is evident in your essay, contributing positively to its coherence.

Sentence Variety and Linking

To improve clarity, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a range of linking words to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

Be mindful of repeating words or phrases; using synonyms or related terms can add variety to your writing and keep the reader engaged.

Accuracy

Proofreading your essay for small inaccuracies, such as spelling and grammar, can refine your writing, although these did not impact your grade significantly.

Task Response

Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, including outlining the problems and offering a viable solution, which meets the task requirements effectively.

Supporting Examples

The use of personal examples and references to research adds credibility to your arguments and supports your main points convincingly.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, framing your essay nicely and contributing to its overall cohesion and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Include an introduction and conclusion

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Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?