As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

There is a trend these days for youngsters to waste their free hours playing video games and avoiding outdoor sports.
This
essay will discuss some of the serious health issues that can arise because of indoor activities only and will
also
highlight the remedy for
this
behaviour. With the advancement in technology,children have become more prone to some hazards of watching mobiles at their homes for longer duration.Spending a significant part of time on screen can cause problems with vision.The continuous strain on the eyes damages the retina and the ocular muscles.One of my nephews started using spectacles at the tender age of just 5 years
due to
prolonged focus on smartphones.
Moreover
, wasting days on TV and refraining from outdoor activities can lead to behavioural disorders.There was a study I read in the newspaper that mentioned violent behaviour among kids who were used to watching TV a lot.
Furthermore
, the younger generation can develop growth issues if they avoid going in the sun.There is tremendous research on Vitamin D deficiency in kids playing indoor games only which can ultimately lead to poor development of bones causing osteomalacia and rickets. To prevent
this
negative behaviour in offspring, the parents should play their role.They should restrict their screen time to as low as possible.They can encourage outdoor games by setting a personal example.
For instance
, when I see my son getting involved in YouTube movies, I make a plan to go to the park with a jogging track and a lot of other fun activities in which my son is interested more.
This
helps us in keeping a balance in leisure time spending.
To conclude
, the easy availability of electronic gadgetry is causing numerous medical disturbances in children which can be overcome by disciplining the kids by parents.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that your essay has distinct paragraphs, each serving a unique purpose such as introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure is evident in your essay, contributing positively to its coherence.
Sentence Variety and Linking
To improve clarity, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a range of linking words to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Be mindful of repeating words or phrases; using synonyms or related terms can add variety to your writing and keep the reader engaged.
Accuracy
Proofreading your essay for small inaccuracies, such as spelling and grammar, can refine your writing, although these did not impact your grade significantly.
Task Response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, including outlining the problems and offering a viable solution, which meets the task requirements effectively.
Supporting Examples
The use of personal examples and references to research adds credibility to your arguments and supports your main points convincingly.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, framing your essay nicely and contributing to its overall cohesion and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: