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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
It is true that
music
 plays an important role in our
life
 especially traditional
music
 which expresses our culture, costumes and values. I would argue that traditional
music
 plays
more crucial role
Suggestion
a more crucial role
 than commercial
music
.
Music
 is a vital part of our
life
. It accompanies with most of us throughout our
life
 as it is a way of expressing our feelings as well as emotions. Some people consider
music
 as a way to escape from their pain, to heal their mind, their body and their spirit.
In addition
,
music
 is a source of entertainment which allows people to reduce stress and gives people relief. As children, people are taught to sing a song as a mean of learning a language or form of entertainment.
As a result
, some songs become their
favorites
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourites
 and be part of their
lives
Suggestion
life
, stick with their own memories or event. In my opinion, traditional
music
 is more valued over the international
music
 as it expresses the tradition, culture or the history of a country.
By contrast
, international
music
 is considered as a commercial products which are marketed and sold by business people. Traditional
music
also bring
Suggestion
also brings
education values
Accept comma addition
education, values
 which reminds young generations of their origin.
For instance
, folk
music
always give
Suggestion
always gives
 us a chance to feel the family bond, mother bond etc. In conclusion,
music
 plays an important part of human
life
. While international
music
are
Suggestion
is
 more popular in terms of commercial perspectives, traditional
music
 gives us
chance
Suggestion
a chance
the chance
 to come back old days with traditional values.
Submitted by Thanh on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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