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Band 5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's globalized world, a lot of entertainment
are
Change the verb form
is
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 located on portable devices at
persons
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person's
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 fingertips. Some claim that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has positive aspects. The aim of
this
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 essay is
justify
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to justify
justifying
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 that
such
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 benefits outweigh drawbacks. On the one hand, nowadays, it
has been
Wrong verb form
is
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 easier to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to
such
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entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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 as games or films for kids than it was before. Unfortunately,
such
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 development is not good for children.
In
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At
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
age
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age,
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 it is often hard to keep their attention on education
,
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apply
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 since they have laptops or phones with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Internet access. Take the case of Europe,
for example
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. In 2017
german
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German
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 scientists conducted
a
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apply
show examples
research and revealed that schools where
were
Correct your spelling
we're
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 allowed to bring devices inside became the worst in regions.
However
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, there are benefits that people are capable
to find
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of finding
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 any films or games on their gadgets. It is obvious that
while
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person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 is travelling by train or by plane there is no
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 way except waiting. So,
entertainments
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entertainment
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 really can help to kill some time
in
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on
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 the
occasions
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occasion
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.
Moreover
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, not only do devices assist
to spend
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in spending
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 time, but
also
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 they suggest a good way
for
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to
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 education. Currently, there are a lot of training games and films, which persons can find online.
For instance
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, it was reported in The New York Times
few
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a few
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 years ago that almost half information on the Internet is about training or teaching something.
Thus
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, people are really capable
to study
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of studying
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, using their tablet computers, laptops or smartphones.
To conclude
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, taking everything into account, the disadvantages of
such
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phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
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 are real, but the benefits above outweigh the drawbacks. Our world and society have been developing extremely fast and people should use technologies effectively.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic at hand. Clarifying your stance in the introduction can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the connection between your ideas using linking words or phrases. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments. This adds credibility and relevance to your main points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You have made a clear attempt to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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