IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. To what extent do you agree to that? How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #time #school #work
Childhood is a crucial period of one’s life.
However
, nowadays a major fragment of a student’s routine is spent in
school
 doing
school
 work. Some people are of the opinion that children have too much free time and
this
 should be utilised in doing
school
 work only, to which I have dissenting views.
First
 of all, children spend approximately 8 hours of a day in the
school
;
therefore
, it is necessary for them to spend some time in leisure activities in order to refresh their overburdened minds.
Moreover
, engaging in
school
 work only and not participating in any extracurricular activity will make their life dull and monotonous.
In addition
 to
this
, problems of obesity and certain kind of diseases may arise because of
sedentary lifestyle
Suggestion
the sedentary lifestyle
a sedentary lifestyle
sedentary lifestyles
 among pupils.
For instance
, a recent study has shown that children who are indulged in physical activities are more focused and perform exceptionally well in their studies as well. In my opinion,
school
 going children must be encouraged to play games
such
 as football or handball which will not only increase their fitness
level but
Accept comma addition
level, but
also
 develop many other qualities helping them in their holistic growth.
Further
, they must be emboldened to start a hobby
such
 as reading comics, gardening or even painting, which will enhance creativity and it can be even chosen as carrier prospect in the later part of their life. To recapitulate, albeit it is necessary for the young learners to engage in academics, it may have negative aspects as well and students must be motivated to spend time in fun activities which will have positive impacts on their lives.
Submitted by amanjw01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: