IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of these problems

#children #countries #effects
Serious issue facing by developed countries is obesity and overweight in
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of children.
This
 essay will discuss about
causes
Suggestion
the causes
 of overweight due to junk foods and sedentary
life style
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyle
.
This
 essay will
also
 discuss the effects of these problems in
life
 and health.
Current generation
Suggestion
The current generation
 is addicted to sedentary
life style
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyle
 by spending their span on front of mobile phone and computer screen.
Moreover
, they avoid physical activities like playing outdoor games or doing exercises. Due to lack of
movement calories
Accept comma addition
movement, calories
on
Suggestion
in
body
 does not burn and cause overweight.
For
instance my
Accept comma addition
instance, my
 cousin is 14 years old and carrying a weight of 50
kilograms which
Accept comma addition
kilograms, which
 is more as compare to age and
this
 is only because of
sedentary
Suggestion
a sedentary lifestyle
sedentary lifestyle
sedentary lifestyles
life
 style. Popularity of junk food consumption is
also
 one of the causes of extra calories and fat in children’s
body
.
Such
 food contains saturated fats and extra sugar which
give
Suggestion
gives
 rise to
fleshy
Suggestion
a fleshy body
the fleshy body
body
 of
youngster
Suggestion
a youngster
youngsters
 and it
also
 effect in
long term
Suggestion
the long term
. Obesity affects the
body
 and
life
 in negative ways.
Such
 increase in calories and saturated fats in
body
Suggestion
the body
 give rise to many health issues like heart attack, increase or decrease in bold pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar and many more. These problems decrease the working efficiency of daily
life
 and
also
 diminish the
life span
the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death)
lifespan
 of children. In conclusion, in today’s fast
life
 every child is totally addicted to junk food and avoids physical activities which give rise to obesity. Government should consider
this
 issue seriously and take some action to control suck problem.
Submitted by rajdeepkaur1512 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: