Describe when someone gave you something you really wanted.

I am not used to getting presents as

such

. I am quite a big gamer to be honest and my Xbox was running on borrowed days. It would leave me fuming at times as it’ll hang in the middle of the game and at times, I am not even able to save the session before it turns off. I broke my Xbox and got bored of the Microsoft platform so I was looking to get the latest version of PS4. I did save some money and was looking for the best possible deals to get a new gaming

device but

Accept comma addition

device, but

budget constraints and student life made it quite difficult to own

such

a high end gadget. As I said I am not used to receiving gifts so it has to be a very special occasion for one to spoil me. We share a special bond and she generally leaves the best of the surprises for my

birthday

. I was turning 22 just graduated out of college and about to move abroad for

further

studies. I wouldn’t be able to celebrate the

two birthdays with her due to study commitments so she thought of doing something special for me. My sister must have heard the conversation I was having with my friend regarding it and decided to get me a PS4 on my

birthday

. Little did I know that I’ll be getting that as a present rather than buying it myself. I was reading and gathering information about it on a daily basis. I was looking for the best deals online and even arranged for some vouchers that I could have redeemed against the purchase. I was over the moon. Happiness like that cannot be expressed in words. She went the extra yard to make my

birthday so

Accept comma addition

birthday, so

special and what was even more overwhelming was the manner in which she surprised me. My friend called me and asked me to get home as soon as possible. When I got home, I was surprised to see

entire family

Suggestion

the entire family

an entire family

and friends gathered together to celebrate my

birthday

. We had a great time together and danced all night to some great tunes. (360 Words)

Submitted by ashwin on Wed May 01 2019

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

362 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Describe when someone gave you something you really wanted.

Fully explain your ideas

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in some countries, people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather than playing sports or doing exercise classess what are the reason for this is this a positive or negative develpment

people living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eating together is important to people in your country?

Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas. What are your opinions on this?