IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #childcare #centres #care #children #school #members #grandparents #carers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days both parents work to cover all life expenses leads to some of them to send their children who are in pre-school age to
childcare
Suggestion
child care
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 to
recive
get something; come into possession of
receive
recover
Recife
 a better level of care
.
Accept space
.
On
other hand
Suggestion
the other hand
, parents prefer to leave their children with grandparents to get
best career
Suggestion
a better career
better career
.Personally,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 would argue that the best choice is to send the kids to
childcare
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
. Those that who
support
Suggestion
supports
 care through
childcare
Suggestion
child care
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 due to several reasons.
Firstly
, they claim that
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 contribute of teaching
children many
Accept comma addition
children, many
 skills and help them to improve their abilities mentally and physically by using toys as
gadegets
a device or control that is very useful for a particular job
gadgets
 of education and do alot of
activites
any specific behavior
activities
such
 as singing, painting dancing which are
allow
Suggestion
allowing
 them to communicate with
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
.
Accept space
.
In addition
, they think it is the safest option owing to the fact that parents put the safety and
childre's
Suggestion
shoulder
shoulders
chides
 health
at
Suggestion
in
 the
first
.
another
Suggestion
Another
 important
considration
the process of giving careful thought to something
consideration
 is
costs
Suggestion
cost
.
Although
Suggestion
Despite
 these
benifites
financial assistance in time of need
benefits
 of
childcare
Suggestion
child care
centers but
Accept comma addition
centres, but
centres but
 still some of them feel satisfied when send their
childern
a young person of either sex
children
 to
grandparent house
Suggestion
the grandparent house
 during working days because they have a broad experience in
displinary
Suggestion
the discipline
discipline
disciplinary
disciplining
 of children and dealing with them
.
Accept space
.
More over
in addition
Moreover
, grandparents are the
second
 closest persons to grandchildren after their parent so they give them
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of love
,
Accept space
,
safety and care.
to
Suggestion
To
 conclude,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believed
 that the
advanteges
the quality of having a superior or more favorable position
advantages
advantage
 of these
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 clearly
owiegh
 the
benifits
financial assistance in time of need
benefits
 of using relatives
,
Accept space
,
however
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 still see grandparents is the best
second
 family of caring children.
Submitted by hebasabagh.eng on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childcare centres
  • early child development
  • professional care
  • nurturing environment
  • family values
  • emotional stability
  • personalized attention
  • socialization skills
  • care styles
  • set routines
  • discipline
  • flexible schedules
  • peer interaction
  • professional training
  • dynamic accommodation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: