IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era, there is a common tendency for individuals to relocate in search of
employment
Use synonyms
 opportunities, often living far away from their families and
friends
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has several drawbacks, especially mental distress, I strongly believe that its advantages far outweigh any disadvantages for the chances of improving in their future career. On the one hand, it is true that people usually deal with a common issue of mental distress when moving to a new location for work. Obviously, settling down in a new environment, not hometowns, results in various sources of stress, particularly in workplaces. It is tough for those who fit in with the new environment, including building relationships with colleagues, not relatives or close
friends
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is understandable the feeling of isolation in different societies, where their families and
friends
Use synonyms
 living far away can not give a helping hand.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the General Statistics Office of Japan in 2020, 80% of Japanese young adults found difficulties in integrating into new communities because of a lack of new relationships when they moved to Tokyo to make a living.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I hold a belief that the idea of looking for
employment
Use synonyms
 in an unfamiliar place may not outweigh its advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many people have to relocate to appropriate areas for their jobs, the maritime industry often thrives in flatland regions,
for instance
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 explained for a variety of
employment
Use synonyms
 markets to seek a plethora of career opportunities which enhance employees with higher salaries and benefits.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 a once-in-a-lifetime to be more mature, especially leading an independent lifestyle. Those who live far away from home can pick up many new skills to balance their jobs and their personal life. In Vietnam, 90% of men can cook for themself and ensure the necessary nutrition for daily life's meals. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people may deal with mental suffering when not living close in geography to families and
friends
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 job opportunities,
this
Linking Words
 tendency can provide individuals with ample
employment
Use synonyms
 markets and a chance for an independent life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 development clearly overshadow its drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and to ensure clarity in your arguments. Although minor, these errors can slightly impact the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by detailing how these examples support your argument. Providing more in-depth analysis will strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Try to maintain a balance between discussing disadvantages and advantages in your essay to fully address the prompt.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: