IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #age
Some believe
children
 should commence
school
 when they are very young,
whereas
 others consider the opposite to be the case. The writer believes
children
 should enrol in
school
 when they are old enough
due to
 emotion building and controlling mental health, despite those who think sending
children
 to
school
 as soon as possible will help them develop academic ability. It must be understood that allowing
children
 to go to an education institute at certain ages—5 years old to be specific—can foster their emotions to grow. To explain plainly,
children
 are usually clueless about love and friendliness with other people because those emotions are not directly inherited from parents via genes but through imitation
as well as
 observation.
Furthermore
, affection with relatives or family can be easily learned during the normal life schedule of a child and is a foundation to evoke similar emotions with friends or mates.
As a result
, keeping
children
 at home can prompt them to feel a sense of comradery
as well as
 a connection with peers and acquaintances, eventually orienting them to treat others and themselves in an adept manner.
By contrast
, academic levels are the explanation for those who assume the opposite.
In other words
, they presume that the sooner
children
 learn and practice skills like numeracy and literacy, the better they react and deal with the academic competition, so they can have higher positions in university and work.
This
 is not true for the majority of the
children
 on the grounds that many researchers have found no significant disparities between
children
 who attend
school
 early and those who do not because their brains have little interpretation of the academic subjects. From the writer's perspective,
children
 need to go to
school
 only when they are old enough, so their families can monitor their mental capabilities.
That is
 because
children
 have no firm barrier to actually protecting themselves from the tension or influences on their mental health since they do not have sufficient experience and communication knowledge.
Hence
, letting them attempt to go to
school
 later will prevent any mental disorders from happening. In conclusion, people should enable
children
 who are older to go to
school
 for mental development
along with
 emotional growth, in spite of the fact that they may not well adapt to the academic environment.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. Examples help to illustrate and reinforce your arguments, making them more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is sufficiently supported with evidence and explanation. This will make your essay more convincing and well-developed.
coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between your ideas smoother. This aids in improving the overall flow and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying sentence structures and using more complex sentence forms to better showcase your language proficiency and improve readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, which is an essential part of the task.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear starting point and summarizing the viewpoint eloquently.
task achievement
The essay maintains relevance to the topic throughout and effectively discusses the various aspects of the debate.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow and structure to the essay, with ideas generally well-organized into coherent paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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