Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement?

#celebrity #time

A famous

person

celebrity

become

Suggestion

becomes

popular through

media

Suggestion

the media

as well as due to people

celebrity

brings benefits along with problems.

To begin

with, there are many benefits of being a

celebrity

Firstly

, as a

celebrity

become its own image or dignity. Every one

know

Suggestion

knows

famous

Suggestion

a famous person

famous people

person

Secondly

, every

person

give

Suggestion

gives

regards and respect to the famous

person

For example

, Amir Khan is

famous personality

Suggestion

a famous personality

. Most of the people give respect and like his acting, work or physique.

Thirdly

, famous

person

have

Suggestion

has

more money, comfort devices and more property.

Moreover they

Accept comma addition

Moreover, they

can bring what they want.

On the other hand

, there are more problems for

celebrity

First

of all, famous

person

cannot go anywhere lonely and cannot enjoy freedom with family.

Moreover

, famous

person

does not have enough time for their family and

persue

carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in

pursue

their hobbies.

Furthermore

, famous

person

have

Suggestion

has

to go anywhere with security because of the crowd.

In addition

this

, due to

popularity

Suggestion

popular

media always spread

news

Suggestion

the news

regarding famous

person

Moreover

, media create issues regarding personal or

families

Suggestion

family

family's

problems. In conclusion,

being a famous film star or sports man take

Suggestion

will a famous film star or sports man take

being a famous film star or sportsman take

has a famous film star or sports man taken

was a famous film star or sports man taking

is a famous film star or sports man taking

was a famous film star or sports man taken

benefits but

Accept comma addition

benefits, but

, we cannot

denied

Suggestion

deny

about negative effects.

Submitted by rica1976rica on Wed May 01 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

193 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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