IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, cell (mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#cell #phones #internet #people #development
It is rare these days to find someone who does not use the
cell
phone
 or the
internet
 to react other other.
Although
, the
broad
a hairdo formed by braiding or twisting the hair
braid
 using of these
technology
Suggestion
technologies
, I believe that the drawback of
this
 development
outweigh
Suggestion
outweighs
 their benefits. One of the main
disadvantage
Suggestion
disadvantages
 of
cell
phone
 and
internet
 socially is the affection on the human personality due to speak
behinde
further back than; at the back of; at the far side of
behind
screen
Suggestion
the screen
screens
 or using
cell
phone
 hide some of social communication skills and promote some bad benefits
such
 as shy whereas the
face
 to
face
 remove
this
 kind of barrier in speaking
.
Accept space
.
In addition
, some people show all the details of their life on social networks Facebook, Snapchat;
consequently
, exploit that information in
wrong way
Suggestion
the wrong way
a wrong way
.
Furthermore
,
this
 connection may cause
misunderstand
Suggestion
misunderstanding
 in some matter between
people which
Accept comma addition
people, which
 mainly not occurred in
face
 to
face
 communication because in the
last
 ones peoples can discuss more to clarify the idea and presence of language body help too. Despite of
this
disadvantages
Suggestion
disadvantage
, there are several important advantages.
Firstly
, the
internet
 and
cell
 phones help people to stay contact with persons who love regardless of the distance between them and time so, give them a chance to make new relations
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
, parents by
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and
cell
phone
 can keep in touch with their children who are on holiday. In conclusion, the
technology including
Accept comma addition
technology, including
cell
 phones and the
internet
 is like weapon with two sides
.
Accept space
.
we
Suggestion
We
 should aware about the pros and
cons to develop
Suggestion
cons, develop
cons develop
 the society positively.
Submitted by hebasabagh.eng on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: