IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Nowadays, there are different
type
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 of
music
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 in the world and each
music
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 have some meanings
such
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 as devotional
music
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 shows the individual's religion and reverence and traditional
music
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 shows the nationality and patriotism. I strongly agree that
traditional
Suggestion
the traditional music
music
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 of a
country
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 more important than the international
music
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 because
this
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type
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 of songs represents our nation very well. To embark, I believe that
music
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 plays a vital role in everyone's life because we need
such
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type
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 of
music
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 like rocking, romantic,
melodeous
Suggestion
melodic
melodious
melodies
, devotional, traditional etc.
for
Suggestion
For
 relaxation.
Music
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 is paramount for dancing,
for example
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, if there is no
music
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 around us, so we can not feel it and absorb it for dancing.
Music
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 is very important for motivation, entertainment, relaxation etc.
For example
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, a person who goes to the gym everyday needs some songs to motivate. Nowadays,
music
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 is beneficial for career making. I think it is good to have traditional
music
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 of a
country
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 because there is a need
of
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for
this
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type
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 of
music
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 because sometimes
music
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 represents nature, culture and society etc. For illustration, in sports,
olympic
of or relating to the Olympic Games
Olympic
 games, and other occasions, traditional
music
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is played
Suggestion
are played
 of winning
country
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,
furthermore
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, it
plays
Suggestion
is played
 in cinema halls
also
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, when the movie starts, so it is essential for a
country
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 to have these songs.
However
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, it is generally believed that International
music
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 is
also
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 important because it enhances the knowledge and awareness of
individual
Suggestion
the individual
individuals
 and we know the culture and society of different
country
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 by International
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music but
Accept comma addition
music, but
 I disagree with them because I think traditional
music
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 is more important than other
music
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 because it shows patriotism. To sum up, every
country
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 should have some traditional
music
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 because
by
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of
this
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, they easily represent their countries.
Submitted by nmnarora9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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