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Writing Samples
Band 5

More dad's are staying at home looking after children.is this a positive or negative development.

#dad #home #children #development
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In present times
,
Accept space
,
more and more women have become
breadwinner
Suggestion
the breadwinner
a breadwinner
 for their family while their husbands choose to stay at home looking after kids.In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development due to its detrimental effects on growth of a newly born
child
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 increased societal pressure for
father
Suggestion
a father
.
Accept space
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, mothers as a breadwinner in the family puts tremendous pressure on them to earn the livelihood. Since they are the only one to earn in the family,
its
it is
it's
 very difficult for them to handle tough times in the family
such
Linking Words
 as
birth
Suggestion
the birth
 of a new born baby.
Although
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
they can avail maternity leave, but they have to soon resume their work in order to handle family responsibilities.
Furthermore
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,
new born
recently born
newborn
 babies need a special care and emotional connection in the starting
days which
Accept comma addition
days, which
 can only be fulfilled by mothers.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 it will have a negative effect on the development of a
child
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 a recent study conducted by a
child
Use synonyms
 care
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 presents that
new born
recently born
newborn
 babies are likely to get free from any disease after their birth when they spend enormous time with theory mothers.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
results
Suggestion
the results
 of the reversal of natural roles, which is staying at home for the mother and handling household responsibilities for the father, can sometimes be counterproductive.
This
Linking Words
 is because financial dependency of men on their wives in the family can hit their self-esteem, resulting
into
Suggestion
in
 a disturbed harmony between the family members.
Also
Linking Words
, it will have a bad impact on society as
society
Suggestion
a society
 will take it as the
incapabilitty
lack of potential for development
incapability
 of man to earn money. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
while mothers can handle the financial responsibilities of a family
by
Suggestion
of
 their own, it can sometimes be stressful for them and
also
Linking Words
 it has a bad impact on
newly born
Suggestion
the newly born child
child
Use synonyms
 which
can not
can not
cannot
 be overlooked.
Submitted by preeti.sharma161 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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